It seems like with every milestone in my life, I look back and wish I would have enjoyed more the time getting there. When I got married, I wished I would have enjoyed dating my husband more. When I had Corbin, I wished I would have enjoyed newlywed life more. I guess I'm just one to look forward to "the next big thing" but I think sometimes it robs me of the beauty of here and now.
I realized this weakness, if it is a weakness, again this week. My sister-in-law had her first baby yesterday, and I noticed that while she was in labor, I kept thinking how jealous I was that in the very near future she was going to have her brand new baby placed on her chest. It made me realize how beautiful that experience was when Corbin was first placed on my chest. The thing is, I was so exhausted in that moment, it was hard to enjoy it then. But that moment has become more special in my mind and heart as I've come to better know and love my baby boy.
My SIL came home from the hospital last night. Since we rent an apartment attached to their house, I'm somewhat aware of what's going on with them so I saw how they seemed to just stay quietly in their house all day today, enjoying their new baby and getting much needed rest I would imagine. I was taken back to those first days and weeks of Corbin's life and wished I could take back all the stress and panic I felt about wanting to have the house clean, or wishing I could just feel good enough to get back to "normal" life. My older sister would tell me to just enjoy having only one baby because it would be the only time in my life when I could have only one tiny baby to consume my whole existence. It's not that I wish to go back to Corbin's newborn days because honestly, I have loved each new phase that he has entered so far. But seeing my SIL with her new tiny baby made me realize again how quickly time passes, how quickly babies grow up, and how unimportant it is to me now to know that my laundry and dishes were done those first weeks of Corbin's life. I only now realize what my sister meant that this was the only time I'd have one baby that I can devote all my time to, and I'm wishing I hadn't been in such a rush to figure out how to "get things done" while he slept, and just let myself hold his little snuggly body during those naps.
Tomorrow he'll be three months old. He started the year out rolling from his back to his stomach (although he hasn't done it since). At Christmas he weighed 16 pounds and he's already wearing some 6 and even 9 month clothes. I love how responsive he is now--he loves to smile back at people when they smile at him, and he squeals when I kiss his cheeks. I can't wait till he gives me a real laugh. He's totally fascinated with his hands now and loves to try to put his whole fist in his mouth, sometimes gagging himself in his efforts.
I never realized what a special gift having a child would be and I'm so grateful Heavenly Father let me be Corbin's mommy!
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