What a trip to look back at my last two posts--and realize they were written three years ago! Two houses, one baby, and a whole lot of other experiences later, I'm back to my blog. I didn't think there was value in it because I wasn't actively trying to share my posts, but as a journal, I love it now. So I'm picking it back up.
I felt strongly about what I'm about to write, and although I do feel it needs to be shared, I don't know that this post will be the way it gets shared. I just want to record the thoughts so I can share it as and however opportunities arise.
The lesson today for Young Women was on virtue. The question was asked, what is virtue, and the class fell silent. To be honest, I wasn't sure I could put it into words either. I thought of intrinsic value, but didn't like how that would tie the phrase "losing your virtue" to "losing your worth" because I don't think those two should be related as such. So I looked it up in the guide to the scriptures, and the definition was "Integrity and moral excellence, power and strength, or sexual purity." The definition, "power and strength" caught my attention, and turned my thoughts to the story of Christ and the woman who touched the hem of his garments and was healed. Christ responded that he had felt virtue leave Him. I knew that had to be a reference to His spiritual power which was able to heal the woman just by her touching the hem of his garments. And what made Christ powerful? His integrity and moral excellence, his virtue.
I felt strongly that I wanted the girls in the class to understand that guarding one's virtue gives you power. I could see it so clearly--power to control your own life, to make your own decisions, to not get into an unhealthy or unhappy relationship, to not get tied down to raising children while you are still a child yourself. Then we read a talk by Quentin L Cook called "Can Ye Feel So Now," in which he describes his conversation with a young man about the prevalence of pornography. The young man made a valid point that many things we learn in church receive at least some facet of a second witness in the world--drinking, smoking, drug use are pretty commonly seen to be unhealthy and discouraged habits. But when it comes to sexual purity and pornography, the world doesn't second the standards taught in church. I would actually say that the world goes to extremes in teaching the exact opposite. It's natural, everyone does it, the only concern is that it be consensual and use protection.
The thought came to my mind (because twice now I have heard the girls say that this is the topic no one wants to talk about) that we need to stop feeling uncomfortable with this topic. The world is trying to make it less taboo, but is doing so by saying it's no big deal, just go with what feels good. I wanted to say, there are plenty of people talking about it! But they are all saying the wrong message, and the people that have truth to speak are keeping quiet because it's uncomfortable or awkward!
When Adam and Eve first partook of the fruit, Satan told them to hide and to cover themselves. Satan works in darkness and secrecy. The Lord teaches us to "let your light so shine." I believe that the more this topic is brought to light, meaning the more truth is shared about sex, the more comfortable people are talking about the dangers of pornography, the reality of pornography addiction, the ways it messes up relationships, etc, the less influence Satan will have over the use of procreative powers.
I wondered how many friends of these girls are succumbing to the lie that "everyone does it" and "it's impossible to wait until marriage," and are assuming that everyone around them is also having secret relationships. They need to hear the truth that these girls have. They need to know that they are not alone in wanting to save sex for marriage.
In the same regard, we need to shine light on our own weaknesses and temptations. We need to call pornography what it is when it comes up in movies and shows, and not leave place for it. Let light in to push out the darkness or secrets we may be holding onto because we may not believe that the Atonement can give us power over our sins. Our Bishop reminded us today that we came to the earth, not to avoid sin but to overcome it. It was right in the plan that we would sin, and because of that, the Atonement was prepared and the Savior chosen before we even came to earth to give us repentance and forgiveness.
I've worried as a mom of three boys, many times, how will I protect them from this world? Pornography is right in people's pockets on their phones. One girl in class today said the boy next to her at school was pulling up pornographic pictures on snapchat on a school computer! As much as I want to hide them, I feel strongly today is to look things right in the face and shed light so Satan has no more power over it. To be virtuous, meaning to be powerful by sharing light and truth and not be afraid to talk about "uncomfortable things."
Sunday, September 23, 2018
Thoughts on Discipleship
Last week Dustin and I spoke in sacrament meeting at our church. We were each assigned talks from the most recent general conference to inspire our thoughts. I haven't spoken in church so it was so refreshing for me to take the time to really study something out well enough to speak on it. I always learn the most when I prepare to teach or speak, and then I just pray that some of it translates to those who listen to me and that something that enlightened me is at least pertinent to someone else.
Maybe I'll share my talk in another post, but for now, I want to start a new project. As I listened to Elder Hales' talk today in a quiet moment while I was doing a nap drive with my 2 year old, I wished I had a notebook on me to record a few thoughts I had. And then I got to thinking how much I gained from really studying out Elder Andersen's talk when I had to speak on it. And so I decided I would try to dissect one talk a week and really study it out and share my thoughts here on my blog. I haven't been good about writing the goings on of my family here, but I realized today I love to write about the gospel. Also, something about sharing these thoughts and inspirations helps them sink deeper into my mind--they are written on my heart, I believe is how it's described in one scripture--and again, just maybe something I share will at least be pertinent to some person who comes across it.
Starting with Elder Hales: "Becoming a Disciple of our Lord Jesus Christ"
"...genuine discipleship is a state of being. This suggests more than studying and applying a list of individual attributes. Disciples live so that the characteristics of Christ are woven into the fiber of their beings, as into a spiritual tapestry."
I remember at the MTC we were introduced to Preach My Gospel, which has a section on Christlike attributes. There is a quiz of sorts to see the areas where you can improve. I think following Christ starts there, but this image is so beautiful--I imagine that when I am like Christ it comes so naturally to me to do things like him that I no longer pause to think "What would Jesus do?" I imagine checking in on the women I visit teach not because I need to check that off my list but because I see them as Christ sees them and care that they are doing well and I desire to support them how I can in their individual journey of discipleship. (Visiting teaching is a program in our church where women are assigned in partnerships to visit 2-3 other women on a monthly basis--it can be viewed as a social responsibility or an opportunity to minister for Christ, depending on your own attitude, I think, which mine can vary from month to month unfortunately)
"Jesus said, “They draw near to me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.” Such men and women may focus on mastering a specific attribute or action but do not necessarily become as He is in their hearts."
Takes me back to another missionary experience. On my mission we taught people over and over the story of Joseph Smith and the Restoration of the Church of Jesus Christ. I remember using that same scripture (Isaiah 29:13) to describe the clergy who lived during Joseph's time--the Apostasy which had resulted from the death of Christ and the subsequent deaths of all of his Apostles, led to a religious confusion in which each claimed to have the truth. This isn't to say that they were bad people, I just always considered this scripture to be talking about people who talk of Christ but don't actually have the correct understanding of his teachings, or the fullness of his teachings. So when I heard Elder Hales use this scripture talking to members of the church, talking to ME, I have to admit it stung a bit. The truth hurts.
"The attributes of the Savior, as we perceive them, are not a script to be followed or list to be checked off. They are interwoven characteristics, added one to another, which develop in us in interactive ways. In other words, we cannot obtain one Christlike characteristic without also obtaining and influencing others. As one characteristic becomes strong, so do many more."
I'm thinking of a current situation I've found myself in. As my 4 year old gets out into the world more and more, I'm seeing that he is learning things I don't always want him to learn. My gut reaction is to hide him from everything--i.e. "we just won't have friends that don't do things the way we do." While it would be impossible to do it anyway, it also wouldn't be Christlike. I just had the thought that as I strive to be like Christ, by welcoming into my life those who may do things a little differently from me, my kids will learn from my example about love and forgiveness and patience.
What a blessing it would be if they could understand THIS concept:
"As the Father is patient with us, His children, we become patient with one another and ourselves. We delight in the agency of others and the opportunity it gives them to grow “line upon line,”17 “brighter and brighter until the perfect day.”
A concept that I myself am still trying to grasp.
And even more than just being patient, actually serving those who aren't just different but who don't even like us:
"Like the Good Samaritan, we cross the road to minister to whoever is in need, even if they are not within the circle of our friends.We bless them that curse us. We do good to those who despitefully use us. Is any attribute more godly or Christlike?"
And then he references one of my all time favorite scriptures:
Moroni 7:47-48
Maybe I'll share my talk in another post, but for now, I want to start a new project. As I listened to Elder Hales' talk today in a quiet moment while I was doing a nap drive with my 2 year old, I wished I had a notebook on me to record a few thoughts I had. And then I got to thinking how much I gained from really studying out Elder Andersen's talk when I had to speak on it. And so I decided I would try to dissect one talk a week and really study it out and share my thoughts here on my blog. I haven't been good about writing the goings on of my family here, but I realized today I love to write about the gospel. Also, something about sharing these thoughts and inspirations helps them sink deeper into my mind--they are written on my heart, I believe is how it's described in one scripture--and again, just maybe something I share will at least be pertinent to some person who comes across it.
Starting with Elder Hales: "Becoming a Disciple of our Lord Jesus Christ"
"...genuine discipleship is a state of being. This suggests more than studying and applying a list of individual attributes. Disciples live so that the characteristics of Christ are woven into the fiber of their beings, as into a spiritual tapestry."
I remember at the MTC we were introduced to Preach My Gospel, which has a section on Christlike attributes. There is a quiz of sorts to see the areas where you can improve. I think following Christ starts there, but this image is so beautiful--I imagine that when I am like Christ it comes so naturally to me to do things like him that I no longer pause to think "What would Jesus do?" I imagine checking in on the women I visit teach not because I need to check that off my list but because I see them as Christ sees them and care that they are doing well and I desire to support them how I can in their individual journey of discipleship. (Visiting teaching is a program in our church where women are assigned in partnerships to visit 2-3 other women on a monthly basis--it can be viewed as a social responsibility or an opportunity to minister for Christ, depending on your own attitude, I think, which mine can vary from month to month unfortunately)
"Jesus said, “They draw near to me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.” Such men and women may focus on mastering a specific attribute or action but do not necessarily become as He is in their hearts."
Takes me back to another missionary experience. On my mission we taught people over and over the story of Joseph Smith and the Restoration of the Church of Jesus Christ. I remember using that same scripture (Isaiah 29:13) to describe the clergy who lived during Joseph's time--the Apostasy which had resulted from the death of Christ and the subsequent deaths of all of his Apostles, led to a religious confusion in which each claimed to have the truth. This isn't to say that they were bad people, I just always considered this scripture to be talking about people who talk of Christ but don't actually have the correct understanding of his teachings, or the fullness of his teachings. So when I heard Elder Hales use this scripture talking to members of the church, talking to ME, I have to admit it stung a bit. The truth hurts.
"The attributes of the Savior, as we perceive them, are not a script to be followed or list to be checked off. They are interwoven characteristics, added one to another, which develop in us in interactive ways. In other words, we cannot obtain one Christlike characteristic without also obtaining and influencing others. As one characteristic becomes strong, so do many more."
I'm thinking of a current situation I've found myself in. As my 4 year old gets out into the world more and more, I'm seeing that he is learning things I don't always want him to learn. My gut reaction is to hide him from everything--i.e. "we just won't have friends that don't do things the way we do." While it would be impossible to do it anyway, it also wouldn't be Christlike. I just had the thought that as I strive to be like Christ, by welcoming into my life those who may do things a little differently from me, my kids will learn from my example about love and forgiveness and patience.
What a blessing it would be if they could understand THIS concept:
"As the Father is patient with us, His children, we become patient with one another and ourselves. We delight in the agency of others and the opportunity it gives them to grow “line upon line,”17 “brighter and brighter until the perfect day.”
A concept that I myself am still trying to grasp.
And even more than just being patient, actually serving those who aren't just different but who don't even like us:
"Like the Good Samaritan, we cross the road to minister to whoever is in need, even if they are not within the circle of our friends.We bless them that curse us. We do good to those who despitefully use us. Is any attribute more godly or Christlike?"
And then he references one of my all time favorite scriptures:
Moroni 7:47-48
47 But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.
48 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen.
I've always loved that idea that when Christ comes we will recognize him because we will share the same heart. We will see him for who he is because we will be like him. We won't miss the mark.
According to Elder Hales, the mark of a true disciple:
"There will be no disparity between the kindness we show our enemies and the kindness we bestow on our friends. We will be as honest when no one is looking as when others are watching. We will be as devoted to God in the public square as we are in our private closet."
This sounds lofty to me...I will have to set some goals to work on it this week.
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Dichotomy of Mom Feelings
So I've had the beginnings of what I think is a poem rolling around in my head for a month or so now. I haven't tried sitting down to write it, and I don't think this will be the time, but I envision it becoming a dance so I'd really like to try it at some point. The gist of it is the roller coaster of emotions that a mom experiences in a single day. Seriously, the highest highs and the lowest lows, all within minutes of one another.
Today it suddenly occurred to me as I was feeling super annoyed with both my children (yes, it feels terrible but I get annoyed with my baby--gasp), I became fully aware that it was my own bad attitude that was making them seem difficult or act annoying. And while realizing that if I would just change my attitude and lighten up, we would all be happier, I just thought, I want to be grumpy. I choose this bad mood.
Contrast that with tonight as I laid with Corbin, wishing he would fall asleep, only to end up spending a few extra moments just to look at him sleep. I was thinking, this is my baby. How can he be sometimes so equally my greatest joy and my greatest terror. Three year olds seem to be a delicate balance. I sense the impending tantrums, and sometimes I walk on eggshells a bit to try to avert them. It's the screaming, and the messes, and the waking up Jude. It's the not feeling in control. Corbin doesn't tantrum an excessive amount. He's actually quite reasonable I think, for a three year old. He's very communicative, and I've learned ways to empower him so really, I'm not complaining about the tantrums. But when they happen, they're pretty big. And let's be honest, I like things calm.
While I'm venting, my other annoyance today is nursing. I'm considering weaning. It's so annoying to feed a tired or distracted baby. Seriously, hand me a bottle. They don't spray all over my shirt and bra every time he decides to take a break.
Lest I sound like the most negative mom in the world, I'll add the disclaimer that Dustin was home sick from work today--so I was a bit on edge, I suppose. And funny to say this since yesterday I felt all romantic about our life in St George, but really, the whole tiny house thing is getting old. I need Jude in his own room, and I need him to not hear Corbin tantrum during his naps. Haha!
Today it suddenly occurred to me as I was feeling super annoyed with both my children (yes, it feels terrible but I get annoyed with my baby--gasp), I became fully aware that it was my own bad attitude that was making them seem difficult or act annoying. And while realizing that if I would just change my attitude and lighten up, we would all be happier, I just thought, I want to be grumpy. I choose this bad mood.
Contrast that with tonight as I laid with Corbin, wishing he would fall asleep, only to end up spending a few extra moments just to look at him sleep. I was thinking, this is my baby. How can he be sometimes so equally my greatest joy and my greatest terror. Three year olds seem to be a delicate balance. I sense the impending tantrums, and sometimes I walk on eggshells a bit to try to avert them. It's the screaming, and the messes, and the waking up Jude. It's the not feeling in control. Corbin doesn't tantrum an excessive amount. He's actually quite reasonable I think, for a three year old. He's very communicative, and I've learned ways to empower him so really, I'm not complaining about the tantrums. But when they happen, they're pretty big. And let's be honest, I like things calm.
While I'm venting, my other annoyance today is nursing. I'm considering weaning. It's so annoying to feed a tired or distracted baby. Seriously, hand me a bottle. They don't spray all over my shirt and bra every time he decides to take a break.
Lest I sound like the most negative mom in the world, I'll add the disclaimer that Dustin was home sick from work today--so I was a bit on edge, I suppose. And funny to say this since yesterday I felt all romantic about our life in St George, but really, the whole tiny house thing is getting old. I need Jude in his own room, and I need him to not hear Corbin tantrum during his naps. Haha!
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
32nd Birthday
This birthday was exactly what I needed. Our family just successfully completed a month "sans" dad (technically it was 5 weeks, but I was probably the only one counting). It was rough. Dustin was up north for some training and I was home with Corbin and Jude, getting a crash course in single parenting. I applaud all parents who try to do this on their own.
Anyway, needless to say, I was in much need of some "me" time to sort of regroup. I accepted to substitute two classes at the college on my birthday. When my friend Katherine asked me if I minded doing it on my birthday, I have to say, I was pretty excited to spend my birthday in the studio. I miss teaching and I especially miss having something in my life that is "my thing."
So I spent a few hours teaching and the boys were with a sitter, and the house didn't fall apart, and their worlds didn't spin into a tizzy. I think I needed to see that. There's something about having a new baby that can "only" get food from mom, fall asleep with mom (and even though it's not true, it doesn't stop me from feeling that way) that makes you feel like you carry the weight of at least your children's world on your shoulders. Jude is 7 months so I feel like we are starting to sever that tie a bit. And although there are things I love about my tiny new babies, I do believe more than ever this time around that weaning is good for both parties.
So my time teaching yesterday made me realize that even three days a week of just a couple hours out of the house doing something that engages me with other adults would be a game changer for me in this whole stay at home mom thing. I need it, and I think I'm a better mom if I have it. So that's big for me on the agenda when we get moved and settled in Mesa. Dustin is hoping that "that thing" will be working with him at Kneaders. The jury is still out on that. :)
My birthday ended with an amazing dinner at a restaurant named Cliffside, overlooking a beautiful view of the city. Earlier that day, as I walked into the college, perfect weather, headed to a job I've enjoyed for the last 4 years, I had the word "spoiled" pop into my head. I truly felt spoiled--Somehow I've been able to start my family, enjoy being a stay at home mom while keeping my foot in the door at a job I truly love, getting paid to do what I love, while living in this sort of idyllic little town with awesome weather and great people. So the view of the city at dinner was just the perfect capstone--sometimes I do feel like I have it all. Really, I am a fortunate girl. And then cherry on the top, I went to ballet class and rehearsal to end the night while Dustin took the boys home to bed. Yes indeed, the best birthday a dancer mom could ask for.
Anyway, needless to say, I was in much need of some "me" time to sort of regroup. I accepted to substitute two classes at the college on my birthday. When my friend Katherine asked me if I minded doing it on my birthday, I have to say, I was pretty excited to spend my birthday in the studio. I miss teaching and I especially miss having something in my life that is "my thing."
So I spent a few hours teaching and the boys were with a sitter, and the house didn't fall apart, and their worlds didn't spin into a tizzy. I think I needed to see that. There's something about having a new baby that can "only" get food from mom, fall asleep with mom (and even though it's not true, it doesn't stop me from feeling that way) that makes you feel like you carry the weight of at least your children's world on your shoulders. Jude is 7 months so I feel like we are starting to sever that tie a bit. And although there are things I love about my tiny new babies, I do believe more than ever this time around that weaning is good for both parties.
So my time teaching yesterday made me realize that even three days a week of just a couple hours out of the house doing something that engages me with other adults would be a game changer for me in this whole stay at home mom thing. I need it, and I think I'm a better mom if I have it. So that's big for me on the agenda when we get moved and settled in Mesa. Dustin is hoping that "that thing" will be working with him at Kneaders. The jury is still out on that. :)
My birthday ended with an amazing dinner at a restaurant named Cliffside, overlooking a beautiful view of the city. Earlier that day, as I walked into the college, perfect weather, headed to a job I've enjoyed for the last 4 years, I had the word "spoiled" pop into my head. I truly felt spoiled--Somehow I've been able to start my family, enjoy being a stay at home mom while keeping my foot in the door at a job I truly love, getting paid to do what I love, while living in this sort of idyllic little town with awesome weather and great people. So the view of the city at dinner was just the perfect capstone--sometimes I do feel like I have it all. Really, I am a fortunate girl. And then cherry on the top, I went to ballet class and rehearsal to end the night while Dustin took the boys home to bed. Yes indeed, the best birthday a dancer mom could ask for.
A Year in the Life
About a month ago, I finished the journal I started when Dustin and I got married--so apparently it contains four years of marriage, three pregnancies, one miscarriage, and the events of the births and first adventures of two sons' early years. It's probably the best journal I've written...so far. In my debate what to do next for my journaling, I decided to keep one for each of my boys. I hope I can keep this up because I want to fill them with the funny things they say and do, and my thoughts about the amazingness that is watching them grow and learn each day.
But the past few days, I have had these urges (maybe they are impressions) to continue to write my own thoughts about everything going on in our family and in the world. I haven't been great about blogging, but I've decided to try it for a year. Yesterday was my 32nd birthday, and I plan to blog about my 33rd year and then print it into a book at the end of the year. Special thanks to my sister-in-law, Shay, for the inspiration. Maybe I will share some posts, and sometimes I will just use it as a journal. Of course, there may be a person or two who chooses to follow my every entry just to know what I ate for lunch. Please comment if you are actually reading these posts, so I'll know to spice up my lunches. ;-)
So there's the intro...and here's to a great year!
But the past few days, I have had these urges (maybe they are impressions) to continue to write my own thoughts about everything going on in our family and in the world. I haven't been great about blogging, but I've decided to try it for a year. Yesterday was my 32nd birthday, and I plan to blog about my 33rd year and then print it into a book at the end of the year. Special thanks to my sister-in-law, Shay, for the inspiration. Maybe I will share some posts, and sometimes I will just use it as a journal. Of course, there may be a person or two who chooses to follow my every entry just to know what I ate for lunch. Please comment if you are actually reading these posts, so I'll know to spice up my lunches. ;-)
So there's the intro...and here's to a great year!
Friday, February 20, 2015
Jude's Amazing Timing
After my due date passed, February 6th, with no real signs of labor on the horizon, I began wondering what day Baby Jude would actually join our family. I actually needed the extra time because I hadn't yet felt a real nesting urge, or the little I had felt had seemed too overwhelming to embark on the list of projects. Preparing a 740 sq foot house for a SECOND child felt like a bit more than I could chew at 39 and 40 weeks pregnant. :-)
It occurred to me as Valentine's Day approached that we were at the one year mark of the miscarriage that had ended a pregnancy right before this. It made me realize that although at the time it felt like forever, we had actually been blessed with a healthy pregnancy quite quickly following the miscarriage. Then, I looked at the calendar and thought, Jude might make his entrance on the 18th--that would be the exact one year mark of the actual passing. I didn't feel necessarily that the 18th was significant, just in general that the Lord was blessing us with a beautiful healthy baby exactly one year from our loss. My dad, who my mom says accurately predicted the birthdays of most their kids, guessed Jude would be here on Monday the 16th. Being 41 weeks and feeling swollen and uncomfortable, I hoped he was right.
But again, the extra time really was a blessing. The house felt more ready than I thought it could. My parents took Corbin for a long Presidents' Day weekend visit which gave Dustin and I some much needed rest and time together. An extra Sunday at church hearing so many people wonder when I would be induced strengthened my resolve to resist medical norms and allow nature to take its course. I felt it confirmed to me that Jude's arrival was between me, Jude, and Heavenly Father. And the best part, I finally recognized and expressed some fears I had about labor, birth, and becoming a mom of two. It was a conversation I needed to have with Dustin and it didn't happen till the night before Jude was born.
So Dad was right, but we didn't think he would be. I went to my prenatal appointment on Monday morning, not a sign of labor. My midwife stripped my membranes (don't look that up if you don't want to get TMI--my mom described it to my dad as something like breaking your water to get labor going to which he said, maybe I don't want to know...) It did get some contractions going, and she said I was dilated close to a 4. This was great news to me because it took about 8 hours of labor with Corbin to get to a 4. I was hoping that meant labor would be cut in half this time. (Corbin was 16 hours). Anyway, a few small contractions got going, but nothing significant and my midwife said it's about a 50/50 chance that it will develop into actual labor. At 12:30 I went home with those small contractions and assumed that even if they developed, I was likely to labor into the night. Jude might be born early Tuesday, I thought.
Mom thought the same thing when I told her I was getting some small consistent contractions. She offered to keep Corbin one more night just in case I kept progressing. Then things started rolling so quickly. Dustin and I decided to go for a walk to the store to try to encourage the contractions. By the time I was done going to the bathroom in preparation for our walk, I noticed I didn't want to put pants on. I started pacing the house and breathing through contractions that were coming about two minutes apart. I told Dustin a walk didn't sound good anymore. But I did notice that I felt very excited. I told Dustin, I'm excited to have this baby. I'm not scared like I was when labor started with Corbin. I was so pleased to enter it with this enthusiasm. It probably helped that I was truly hoping not to be pregnant for one more day!
I texted my midwife that contractions were getting stronger but they weren't quite a minute long yet so I figured they weren't hard enough even though they were coming 1-2 minutes apart. Dustin and I set about preparing the house. We got the crockpot going for hot towels. I suggested we make the bed. When I had to drop to my hands and knees every couple minutes to get through the contractions, I said, sorry I can't help with the bed, and wondered if I should call my midwife. The extent of our "birth plan" this time was to ignore labor as long as possible so it wouldn't feel like an all day event of timing contractions and feeling exhausted by the end. So I decided to hold off on calling her.
Fortunately, she called me at about 3:30. She asked if I could get in a hot shower or bath to see if the contractions would stop. I said, ya I was just thinking a hot shower sounded good. Then a contraction came and she heard me breathing through it. She said," Oh, you are breathing through those. I'll just come over." I showered while she came and heard Dustin vacuuming the living room. I thought it was sweet that he wanted to get the house all ready. But by the time I got out of the shower, and still heard the vacuum, I was so annoyed that he was vacuuming. That's when I decided this was real labor. I thought, he's totally focusing on the wrong thing! But I just said, "I need you now" and dropped to my hands and knees. I was on all 4's most of this labor.
The contractions weren't giving me very long breaks--they were definitely coming a minute apart. When Cyndi (midwife) got to our house and saw me get two right in a row, she said, I'm not going to do the IV because you don't have four hours. (I was Group B Strep positive this time so I was supposed to get an IV of antibiotics during labor, but the antibiotics have to be in your system for at least four hours to take effect.) I of course was celebrating in my head that she thought this would go that quickly, but Dustin and I were both prepared for it to go much longer. I didn't want to get my hopes up.
The birth assistant Lisa came. She agreed with Cyndi that I was progressing quickly. Dustin and I just sort of hoped they were right. In the meantime, mom was wondering if I was progressing. She sent a text to check on me, to which she received no response until two hours later when we sent her a pic of me happily holding Jude. I was shocked it had gone that quickly and knew she would be too. It was pretty fun to send her that surprise.
When labor goes that quickly, even though I had different pain management techniques that worked with Corbin and planned to use again, I just didn't have time to even think of them. Fortunately, my birth team started doing some things for me. At one point someone placed a hot towel on my back, and I said, oh ya, thank you. I forgot how good those feel. Dustin started pushing on my back, and it came back to me--oh ya, he did that for every contraction all day when I was in labor with Corbin. Yes, that helps. The contractions were coming so fast that mostly all I could think to do was survive--breathe through that one and then rest in between.
At one point, Lisa was telling me she would try doing a hip compression on the next contraction. I felt this urge to run away. I knew that meant transition, but I couldn't believe I was actually there already. I thought, you can't just "decide" you are in transition Jennie. You probably just want to run away because you know what is coming now. But I knew it was a definite rush of adrenaline like I felt like I could and should run away. I went back in the bedroom and said I was feeling hot and cold flashes, which I also remembered were part of transition and pushing with Corbin. Soon, I started grunting and groaning a bit with the contractions. Lisa said that I sounded "pushy" and asked if I felt like pushing. I was kind of floored by the question as I hadn't felt like my body directed the pushing necessarily with Corbin. I didn't feel like I would know to push until Cyndi told me I was at a 10. Boy was I wrong. Your body definitely tells you to push, and you really can't not push at that point.
So Lisa said to try pushing a little with one and if it hurts, I'm not ready. I went back to lay down on the bed and try to rest from hands and knees. There were one or two contractions that seemed long and had double peaks. I felt like Dustin couldn't push hard enough on my back in that position, but I didn't have time between contractions to change positions. Cyndi said I sounded "pushy" again, and I definitely felt the need to put a little pressure around the contractions. Dustin put his hand on my hip to give a little leverage for pressing on my back and I felt like my legs were being squeezed together. My whole body went into panic mode--I was like I've got to get my legs open! So I finally believed that he might be coming. I hurried and sat up to the position I had used to push Corbin. One contraction there and I was like heck no, we are not pushing like that. Cyndi said, yes, that's a nice position for the movies. Get back on your hands and knees--haha.
I didn't love hands and knees because I was tired, but I felt like I had much more control over my body that way. It was pretty amazing to curl my back during a contraction and see my stomach muscles pushing the baby down. It was almost involuntary and yet, I felt like I was working. Cyndi started to prepare me for delivery with oils and hot towels, and that was really helpful to get me to trust that indeed, this is the time to push. She did finally tell me there was just a small lip that needed to open before I was at a 10. She figured one more contraction. I felt renewed, even though I think I was still yelling, "I can't do this!" One more contraction and my water broke. I could feel baby right there, but it still was hard to trust that I could get him out. I was so much more aware of my body and how it was working this time, which was really cool, but at the same time, a bit lacking confidence that I could do it. Finally I felt that ring of fire, and was pretty sure baby was going to be stuck there. Cyndi told me to hold back and just breathe while he crowned. It took a lot to calm down but I knew I needed to. I was getting hysteric and she was probably trying to help me not tear (which was unsuccessful, but still a bit better than with Corbin).
Jude seemed to come out all in one push. She told me he had tons of hair, but I hadn't felt the relief of his head coming out like I had felt so significantly with Corbin. And yet, the next thing I knew, she was passing my baby to me under my legs. I was in total shock. He was beautiful. He felt like such a gift. And I just sat back on my feet and held him and felt amazed. I felt the empowerment this time that many natural birth moms had told me about. I felt totally energized and in the best mood ever. It was like one extreme to another in 2 seconds.
We decided to count labor as starting at 3:30 because that was the time I saw on the clock when I felt like I couldn't ignore the contractions. So when they said he was born at 5:30, I was like, it's only been 2 hours?!?! Probably the most intense two hours of my life, but really, so amazing that we went through that whole process in just two hours! I felt like Heavenly Father had more than answered my prayers with a daytime labor and shorter than I ever thought possible. And I was amazed that Dad was right and Jude arrived on Monday the 16th--in just the time that he was supposed to.
In the end, we think my dates may have been off because Jude's gestational age was 40 weeks. So the lesson I learned there is to just add two weeks to your estimated due date and not get your hopes up that you are close until you are closer to the 2 week post-date time frame. That extra week and some is pretty killer.
So happy to have our Jude here. Can't wait to see him learn and grow and especially become good friends with his big brother, Corbin--who I can't complain one bit about his sweet love for his new Baby Jude. Love my boys and feel so blessed to have them.
It occurred to me as Valentine's Day approached that we were at the one year mark of the miscarriage that had ended a pregnancy right before this. It made me realize that although at the time it felt like forever, we had actually been blessed with a healthy pregnancy quite quickly following the miscarriage. Then, I looked at the calendar and thought, Jude might make his entrance on the 18th--that would be the exact one year mark of the actual passing. I didn't feel necessarily that the 18th was significant, just in general that the Lord was blessing us with a beautiful healthy baby exactly one year from our loss. My dad, who my mom says accurately predicted the birthdays of most their kids, guessed Jude would be here on Monday the 16th. Being 41 weeks and feeling swollen and uncomfortable, I hoped he was right.
But again, the extra time really was a blessing. The house felt more ready than I thought it could. My parents took Corbin for a long Presidents' Day weekend visit which gave Dustin and I some much needed rest and time together. An extra Sunday at church hearing so many people wonder when I would be induced strengthened my resolve to resist medical norms and allow nature to take its course. I felt it confirmed to me that Jude's arrival was between me, Jude, and Heavenly Father. And the best part, I finally recognized and expressed some fears I had about labor, birth, and becoming a mom of two. It was a conversation I needed to have with Dustin and it didn't happen till the night before Jude was born.
So Dad was right, but we didn't think he would be. I went to my prenatal appointment on Monday morning, not a sign of labor. My midwife stripped my membranes (don't look that up if you don't want to get TMI--my mom described it to my dad as something like breaking your water to get labor going to which he said, maybe I don't want to know...) It did get some contractions going, and she said I was dilated close to a 4. This was great news to me because it took about 8 hours of labor with Corbin to get to a 4. I was hoping that meant labor would be cut in half this time. (Corbin was 16 hours). Anyway, a few small contractions got going, but nothing significant and my midwife said it's about a 50/50 chance that it will develop into actual labor. At 12:30 I went home with those small contractions and assumed that even if they developed, I was likely to labor into the night. Jude might be born early Tuesday, I thought.
Mom thought the same thing when I told her I was getting some small consistent contractions. She offered to keep Corbin one more night just in case I kept progressing. Then things started rolling so quickly. Dustin and I decided to go for a walk to the store to try to encourage the contractions. By the time I was done going to the bathroom in preparation for our walk, I noticed I didn't want to put pants on. I started pacing the house and breathing through contractions that were coming about two minutes apart. I told Dustin a walk didn't sound good anymore. But I did notice that I felt very excited. I told Dustin, I'm excited to have this baby. I'm not scared like I was when labor started with Corbin. I was so pleased to enter it with this enthusiasm. It probably helped that I was truly hoping not to be pregnant for one more day!
I texted my midwife that contractions were getting stronger but they weren't quite a minute long yet so I figured they weren't hard enough even though they were coming 1-2 minutes apart. Dustin and I set about preparing the house. We got the crockpot going for hot towels. I suggested we make the bed. When I had to drop to my hands and knees every couple minutes to get through the contractions, I said, sorry I can't help with the bed, and wondered if I should call my midwife. The extent of our "birth plan" this time was to ignore labor as long as possible so it wouldn't feel like an all day event of timing contractions and feeling exhausted by the end. So I decided to hold off on calling her.
Fortunately, she called me at about 3:30. She asked if I could get in a hot shower or bath to see if the contractions would stop. I said, ya I was just thinking a hot shower sounded good. Then a contraction came and she heard me breathing through it. She said," Oh, you are breathing through those. I'll just come over." I showered while she came and heard Dustin vacuuming the living room. I thought it was sweet that he wanted to get the house all ready. But by the time I got out of the shower, and still heard the vacuum, I was so annoyed that he was vacuuming. That's when I decided this was real labor. I thought, he's totally focusing on the wrong thing! But I just said, "I need you now" and dropped to my hands and knees. I was on all 4's most of this labor.
The contractions weren't giving me very long breaks--they were definitely coming a minute apart. When Cyndi (midwife) got to our house and saw me get two right in a row, she said, I'm not going to do the IV because you don't have four hours. (I was Group B Strep positive this time so I was supposed to get an IV of antibiotics during labor, but the antibiotics have to be in your system for at least four hours to take effect.) I of course was celebrating in my head that she thought this would go that quickly, but Dustin and I were both prepared for it to go much longer. I didn't want to get my hopes up.
The birth assistant Lisa came. She agreed with Cyndi that I was progressing quickly. Dustin and I just sort of hoped they were right. In the meantime, mom was wondering if I was progressing. She sent a text to check on me, to which she received no response until two hours later when we sent her a pic of me happily holding Jude. I was shocked it had gone that quickly and knew she would be too. It was pretty fun to send her that surprise.
When labor goes that quickly, even though I had different pain management techniques that worked with Corbin and planned to use again, I just didn't have time to even think of them. Fortunately, my birth team started doing some things for me. At one point someone placed a hot towel on my back, and I said, oh ya, thank you. I forgot how good those feel. Dustin started pushing on my back, and it came back to me--oh ya, he did that for every contraction all day when I was in labor with Corbin. Yes, that helps. The contractions were coming so fast that mostly all I could think to do was survive--breathe through that one and then rest in between.
At one point, Lisa was telling me she would try doing a hip compression on the next contraction. I felt this urge to run away. I knew that meant transition, but I couldn't believe I was actually there already. I thought, you can't just "decide" you are in transition Jennie. You probably just want to run away because you know what is coming now. But I knew it was a definite rush of adrenaline like I felt like I could and should run away. I went back in the bedroom and said I was feeling hot and cold flashes, which I also remembered were part of transition and pushing with Corbin. Soon, I started grunting and groaning a bit with the contractions. Lisa said that I sounded "pushy" and asked if I felt like pushing. I was kind of floored by the question as I hadn't felt like my body directed the pushing necessarily with Corbin. I didn't feel like I would know to push until Cyndi told me I was at a 10. Boy was I wrong. Your body definitely tells you to push, and you really can't not push at that point.
So Lisa said to try pushing a little with one and if it hurts, I'm not ready. I went back to lay down on the bed and try to rest from hands and knees. There were one or two contractions that seemed long and had double peaks. I felt like Dustin couldn't push hard enough on my back in that position, but I didn't have time between contractions to change positions. Cyndi said I sounded "pushy" again, and I definitely felt the need to put a little pressure around the contractions. Dustin put his hand on my hip to give a little leverage for pressing on my back and I felt like my legs were being squeezed together. My whole body went into panic mode--I was like I've got to get my legs open! So I finally believed that he might be coming. I hurried and sat up to the position I had used to push Corbin. One contraction there and I was like heck no, we are not pushing like that. Cyndi said, yes, that's a nice position for the movies. Get back on your hands and knees--haha.
I didn't love hands and knees because I was tired, but I felt like I had much more control over my body that way. It was pretty amazing to curl my back during a contraction and see my stomach muscles pushing the baby down. It was almost involuntary and yet, I felt like I was working. Cyndi started to prepare me for delivery with oils and hot towels, and that was really helpful to get me to trust that indeed, this is the time to push. She did finally tell me there was just a small lip that needed to open before I was at a 10. She figured one more contraction. I felt renewed, even though I think I was still yelling, "I can't do this!" One more contraction and my water broke. I could feel baby right there, but it still was hard to trust that I could get him out. I was so much more aware of my body and how it was working this time, which was really cool, but at the same time, a bit lacking confidence that I could do it. Finally I felt that ring of fire, and was pretty sure baby was going to be stuck there. Cyndi told me to hold back and just breathe while he crowned. It took a lot to calm down but I knew I needed to. I was getting hysteric and she was probably trying to help me not tear (which was unsuccessful, but still a bit better than with Corbin).
Jude seemed to come out all in one push. She told me he had tons of hair, but I hadn't felt the relief of his head coming out like I had felt so significantly with Corbin. And yet, the next thing I knew, she was passing my baby to me under my legs. I was in total shock. He was beautiful. He felt like such a gift. And I just sat back on my feet and held him and felt amazed. I felt the empowerment this time that many natural birth moms had told me about. I felt totally energized and in the best mood ever. It was like one extreme to another in 2 seconds.
We decided to count labor as starting at 3:30 because that was the time I saw on the clock when I felt like I couldn't ignore the contractions. So when they said he was born at 5:30, I was like, it's only been 2 hours?!?! Probably the most intense two hours of my life, but really, so amazing that we went through that whole process in just two hours! I felt like Heavenly Father had more than answered my prayers with a daytime labor and shorter than I ever thought possible. And I was amazed that Dad was right and Jude arrived on Monday the 16th--in just the time that he was supposed to.
In the end, we think my dates may have been off because Jude's gestational age was 40 weeks. So the lesson I learned there is to just add two weeks to your estimated due date and not get your hopes up that you are close until you are closer to the 2 week post-date time frame. That extra week and some is pretty killer.
So happy to have our Jude here. Can't wait to see him learn and grow and especially become good friends with his big brother, Corbin--who I can't complain one bit about his sweet love for his new Baby Jude. Love my boys and feel so blessed to have them.
Friday, March 14, 2014
This and That
As I was scrolling aimlessly through my Facebook newsfeed, contemplating how my husband can fall asleep so quickly, and come to think of it, I also wonder how husbands learn to sleep through baby cries, but that is another post... I was actually thinking about how I sometimes think badly/tease/worry about/look down on (not sure what to call it) when people seem to post every little thing about their day on Facebook. I think, shouldn't we all spend a little more time living life, enjoying face-to-face relationships rather than cataloguing it on social media. And then it gets to be 10:00 at night and I can't sleep, and I wish more of my friends were posting little details about their lives. Ironic. Tonight I thought, my concern shouldn't be about the people posting all the time. They are living life, and think everything they do is so exciting everyone will want to know about it. What I should worry about is when I can just sit and aimlessly scroll through the newsfeed hoping there will be something interesting because clearly, I'm doing nothing interesting.
But you see, I know that's not the case. I do think my life is interesting, and I'm doing things I want to be doing, but we just get into these veg modes. So tonight, rather than waiting online for someone to post something interesting about their life, I will take a moment to be grateful for my own day.
My favorite thing about today was spending about 20 minutes looking through photo books with Corbin. We look at books regularly and I love it because it's the only time I can get him to sit on my lap. But looking at photo books today was special because it made me realize how blessed I've been to have good friends and faithful family all my life. I noticed some ex-girlfriends of family members in my wedding photos, and even my own ex-boyfriend had been there. I thought how sometimes we worry about the awkwardness of having those people in family photos after the relationship has ended. But today, it occurred to me that many people are meant to be in our lives for only a short time, and seeing them in a photo can just be a reminder of the blessing it is to make our own decisions and find our path a little at a time. God blessed the broken road--that sort of thing.
Then this afternoon I ran into a former coworker at the grocery store. She worked the front desk at the school I used to teach at and her daughter was in my class. For some reason, when she said hi to me, I was taken back to seeing her at the front desk of that school. And I thought, I'm a grown-up now. I almost felt like I needed to tell her, I've grown up since you last saw me. I'm married and I have a child and I run my household with a budget, and I coupon and meal plan! It's not that she thinks I'm a child, or that I was necessarily immature when I worked there, but I just felt like I had made some progress in life since seeing her, and that felt good.
I noticed again today just how monotonous the days are as a stay-at-home mom, but I didn't resent it. I feel like Corbin and I both thrive on the structure of a schedule. But I have to laugh sometimes at how truly monotonous the days are. Sleep routine is bottle and book at naps, and bath, bottle, book at bedtime. And every time I say anything about books, he says "Car!" but it sounds more like "Caw"--and it means he wants to read his book about trucks. We always read that one first. Then he has about three others that he likes, and I try really hard to only read two.
He has a new song he loves from the Wiggles and it's so cute because he does the actions with it. If ever I walk toward the TV, he starts saying "Wee" for Wiggles or "Shh shh shh" for the song, Rockabye Your Bear". We watch that song now at least once a day I would say.
The thing that made me feel accomplished today was getting my kitchen almost totally organized and decluttering my living room. I also got a little bit of my wardrobe switched out and our tax returns started. And my guilty pleasure of the day was three episodes of Downton Abbey. Dustin and I watched one at lunch and two tonight before bed. What will we do when we finish all the seasons?
But you see, I know that's not the case. I do think my life is interesting, and I'm doing things I want to be doing, but we just get into these veg modes. So tonight, rather than waiting online for someone to post something interesting about their life, I will take a moment to be grateful for my own day.
My favorite thing about today was spending about 20 minutes looking through photo books with Corbin. We look at books regularly and I love it because it's the only time I can get him to sit on my lap. But looking at photo books today was special because it made me realize how blessed I've been to have good friends and faithful family all my life. I noticed some ex-girlfriends of family members in my wedding photos, and even my own ex-boyfriend had been there. I thought how sometimes we worry about the awkwardness of having those people in family photos after the relationship has ended. But today, it occurred to me that many people are meant to be in our lives for only a short time, and seeing them in a photo can just be a reminder of the blessing it is to make our own decisions and find our path a little at a time. God blessed the broken road--that sort of thing.
Then this afternoon I ran into a former coworker at the grocery store. She worked the front desk at the school I used to teach at and her daughter was in my class. For some reason, when she said hi to me, I was taken back to seeing her at the front desk of that school. And I thought, I'm a grown-up now. I almost felt like I needed to tell her, I've grown up since you last saw me. I'm married and I have a child and I run my household with a budget, and I coupon and meal plan! It's not that she thinks I'm a child, or that I was necessarily immature when I worked there, but I just felt like I had made some progress in life since seeing her, and that felt good.
I noticed again today just how monotonous the days are as a stay-at-home mom, but I didn't resent it. I feel like Corbin and I both thrive on the structure of a schedule. But I have to laugh sometimes at how truly monotonous the days are. Sleep routine is bottle and book at naps, and bath, bottle, book at bedtime. And every time I say anything about books, he says "Car!" but it sounds more like "Caw"--and it means he wants to read his book about trucks. We always read that one first. Then he has about three others that he likes, and I try really hard to only read two.
He has a new song he loves from the Wiggles and it's so cute because he does the actions with it. If ever I walk toward the TV, he starts saying "Wee" for Wiggles or "Shh shh shh" for the song, Rockabye Your Bear". We watch that song now at least once a day I would say.
The thing that made me feel accomplished today was getting my kitchen almost totally organized and decluttering my living room. I also got a little bit of my wardrobe switched out and our tax returns started. And my guilty pleasure of the day was three episodes of Downton Abbey. Dustin and I watched one at lunch and two tonight before bed. What will we do when we finish all the seasons?
Friday, February 14, 2014
Tender Mercies
I feel so blessed right now to have my eyes opened to the tender mercies that have been given me along this path. Looking back now, I realize the timing of discovering our loss was the best it could have been. I probably would have known about a week sooner. However, because scheduling didn't work out for an extra appointment then, we ended up finding out just two days after a beautiful temple visit. We had not been to the temple in probably six months, and things completely fell into place for us to go just the Saturday before we learned of the miscarriage. The temple teaches us amazing things about our purpose here on earth and I was so grateful to have been given that greater perspective once again before facing this great challenge. I didn't realize in that temple session how much I would cling to that peace in the coming days, but now, I am so grateful that the Lord saw fit to prepare me spiritually.
I think most people experience ups and downs when they are grieving, and I have been no different. But in the midst of a very down morning yesterday, I received an email from a good friend who had also experienced a missed miscarriage. Her words were exactly what I needed to hear, and the insights she shared that she gained from her own experience reminded me that I can and SHOULD seek answers to my questions. I know much of the answers will require time and effort on my part to study, ponder, and commune with God, and some questions may not have specific answers for me until after this life. But one thing I have come to realize is that creating a child is a team effort which involves God. I always knew that pregnancy and birth were a miracle, but this experience has helped me see more poignantly that when women bring children into the world through their wombs, they are partnered with God in bringing about his eternal purposes. He does have a say in the timing of it, and I received the impression last night that we are to involve Him and seek His counsel in the decisions we make regarding our family.
I really wonder how much I should share regarding this. Part of me wants to be open and honest because I feel like miscarriage is almost taboo and you don't realize how many around you have experienced it until you go through it yourself. They come out of the woodwork. And I also feel like the light I've received could be so helpful to other women in a similar situation, or their family members who are struggling with the loss. But something tells me that the answers are for me right now, and maybe at some future point I will feel impressed to share them with some specific person. So I will just share this: I do know that God is aware of us. He prepares the way for us to accomplish the things which He asks us to do. He knows some things will be hard--not because He GIVES us hard things, but because we live in a world where bad things happen. But I do believe He aches for our heartaches just as any parent feels when they watch a child get hurt or struggle. And so He provides tender mercies along the way to encourage us to keep going, and to help us know we are not alone.
I think most people experience ups and downs when they are grieving, and I have been no different. But in the midst of a very down morning yesterday, I received an email from a good friend who had also experienced a missed miscarriage. Her words were exactly what I needed to hear, and the insights she shared that she gained from her own experience reminded me that I can and SHOULD seek answers to my questions. I know much of the answers will require time and effort on my part to study, ponder, and commune with God, and some questions may not have specific answers for me until after this life. But one thing I have come to realize is that creating a child is a team effort which involves God. I always knew that pregnancy and birth were a miracle, but this experience has helped me see more poignantly that when women bring children into the world through their wombs, they are partnered with God in bringing about his eternal purposes. He does have a say in the timing of it, and I received the impression last night that we are to involve Him and seek His counsel in the decisions we make regarding our family.
I really wonder how much I should share regarding this. Part of me wants to be open and honest because I feel like miscarriage is almost taboo and you don't realize how many around you have experienced it until you go through it yourself. They come out of the woodwork. And I also feel like the light I've received could be so helpful to other women in a similar situation, or their family members who are struggling with the loss. But something tells me that the answers are for me right now, and maybe at some future point I will feel impressed to share them with some specific person. So I will just share this: I do know that God is aware of us. He prepares the way for us to accomplish the things which He asks us to do. He knows some things will be hard--not because He GIVES us hard things, but because we live in a world where bad things happen. But I do believe He aches for our heartaches just as any parent feels when they watch a child get hurt or struggle. And so He provides tender mercies along the way to encourage us to keep going, and to help us know we are not alone.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Waiting for Our Baby
We found out yesterday the sad news that Baby #2 will not be joining our family at this time. I feel like writing about the experience will be therapeutic for me, but I also hope that in sharing some of what I learned, I might help other moms better understand this process, or friends and family who have never experienced this themselves, might also understand. It's not what I had pictured.
To begin, I'm pretty sure I'm 13-14 weeks along in the pregnancy. However, at my first appointment, where I thought I would be about 12 (two weeks ago), we couldn't find a heartbeat. My midwife said I was measuring smaller, so we just assumed I was wrong on my dates. I had been pretty unsure so I tried not to worry.
My midwife invited me back to look for the heartbeat so I went back in on Monday of this week. Most of this time, I've had some sort of sense that the baby wasn't there. I don't know if that's just because I still hadn't heard a heartbeat (which is kind of the reality check for early pregnancy), or if I genuinely sensed the loss. I did worry that maybe the baby wasn't developing correctly and there would be some sort of issues or handicap, but I think every pregnant woman has those concerns. But I still thought that if I was going to miscarry, I would just suddenly bleed. I don't think I had ever heard that the baby could just stay in there, dead.
With a significant reduction in my pregnancy symptoms, I decided I better go check for the heartbeat again. I was pretty sure I had to be at least 10 weeks by now. We still couldn't find a heartbeat. My midwife tried to stay positive and sent me to get an ultrasound to "check my dates and size" but knowing that midwives are pretty good at finding heartbeats, I was pretty sure there wasn't one.
When I scheduled the ultrasound, I said that we were "checking size and dates," but after explaining the situation, the receptionist said it was a "diagnosis". That confirmed my belief that my midwife was just trying to stay positive.
Dustin told me to wait until it was confirmed so I wouldn't stress for no reason, but I just had to understand what I was possibly and quite likely heading into. So I began to research miscarriage online. I quickly discovered that it's quite common (most sites say 10-25% of pregnancies and some even said 30%), but there were plenty stories of moms in my situation, where they knew the baby had passed, but they were still waiting for their body to abort it.
That is the hardest part I think. I know it will probably be harder to actually pass the baby, but right now, it's hard to be waiting. My midwife called it being pregnant when you know you are not and saying goodbye before you get to say hello.
I always thought that I would be okay with a miscarriage because they usually happen so early, you almost don't feel like you are pregnant yet. I imagined that I would just understand that that body wasn't going to work and so either that spirit is coming later, or we will meet him in the Millennium. And although I do understand that, I can't help but feel the loss for now. Before I had my ultrasound yesterday, I chose to still attend my ballet class. The teacher played a beautiful song for plies--she called it a lullaby. I might have held it together had she not used that specific word. But where dancing has always been a special emotional place for me, and the lullaby was so beautiful, I became overwhelmed with the thoughts that I'm not going to get to hold this baby. I'm not going to sing him to sleep.
It was an important lesson for me. Although I hate to openly admit it, getting pregnant is always a push-pull for me. As a dancer, I sense a bit of loss having to take to the sidelines, and even though having Corbin (my first) has already taught me that there can be no greater joy, I still entered this pregnancy with the same battle. I had just gotten back into dancing quite regularly, and in some ways, I felt I was in my prime. But I knew there was a time and a season for all things, and having children is a window of opportunity that I don't get back once it is closed. But as I had those thoughts running through my mind during plies, I realized that given the choice between dancing and holding my baby, I will always choose the baby.
Having children is a great blessing, and opposition in all things is the lesson we learn here in this life. I'm grateful for my knowledge of God's plan and for the Atonement of Jesus Christ which will set all things right. The more I've contemplated what I will write in this post, the greatest witness I have felt is that the Atonement of Jesus Christ sets all things right. I remember after I had Corbin, I was amazed by two things: 1. That my mom (and all other mothers) had gone through that really hard experience, and done it AGAIN and again and again, and 2. That if Christ experienced ALL things in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross, he had felt that pain. He always knows our pain, and therefore he can teach us how to handle it in a God-like manner. And thus, through our pains and sorrows, we find the opportunity to become more like Him.
So yes, I am doing okay. It's not that I feel like this baby wasn't a human yet. It's not that I don't feel a loss. I feel blessed to have the family I do have, and I feel blessed to see a bigger picture of our purpose here on earth. I'm calling this post, "Waiting for Our Baby" because I do feel that I will meet him or her at another time.
To begin, I'm pretty sure I'm 13-14 weeks along in the pregnancy. However, at my first appointment, where I thought I would be about 12 (two weeks ago), we couldn't find a heartbeat. My midwife said I was measuring smaller, so we just assumed I was wrong on my dates. I had been pretty unsure so I tried not to worry.
My midwife invited me back to look for the heartbeat so I went back in on Monday of this week. Most of this time, I've had some sort of sense that the baby wasn't there. I don't know if that's just because I still hadn't heard a heartbeat (which is kind of the reality check for early pregnancy), or if I genuinely sensed the loss. I did worry that maybe the baby wasn't developing correctly and there would be some sort of issues or handicap, but I think every pregnant woman has those concerns. But I still thought that if I was going to miscarry, I would just suddenly bleed. I don't think I had ever heard that the baby could just stay in there, dead.
With a significant reduction in my pregnancy symptoms, I decided I better go check for the heartbeat again. I was pretty sure I had to be at least 10 weeks by now. We still couldn't find a heartbeat. My midwife tried to stay positive and sent me to get an ultrasound to "check my dates and size" but knowing that midwives are pretty good at finding heartbeats, I was pretty sure there wasn't one.
When I scheduled the ultrasound, I said that we were "checking size and dates," but after explaining the situation, the receptionist said it was a "diagnosis". That confirmed my belief that my midwife was just trying to stay positive.
Dustin told me to wait until it was confirmed so I wouldn't stress for no reason, but I just had to understand what I was possibly and quite likely heading into. So I began to research miscarriage online. I quickly discovered that it's quite common (most sites say 10-25% of pregnancies and some even said 30%), but there were plenty stories of moms in my situation, where they knew the baby had passed, but they were still waiting for their body to abort it.
That is the hardest part I think. I know it will probably be harder to actually pass the baby, but right now, it's hard to be waiting. My midwife called it being pregnant when you know you are not and saying goodbye before you get to say hello.
I always thought that I would be okay with a miscarriage because they usually happen so early, you almost don't feel like you are pregnant yet. I imagined that I would just understand that that body wasn't going to work and so either that spirit is coming later, or we will meet him in the Millennium. And although I do understand that, I can't help but feel the loss for now. Before I had my ultrasound yesterday, I chose to still attend my ballet class. The teacher played a beautiful song for plies--she called it a lullaby. I might have held it together had she not used that specific word. But where dancing has always been a special emotional place for me, and the lullaby was so beautiful, I became overwhelmed with the thoughts that I'm not going to get to hold this baby. I'm not going to sing him to sleep.
It was an important lesson for me. Although I hate to openly admit it, getting pregnant is always a push-pull for me. As a dancer, I sense a bit of loss having to take to the sidelines, and even though having Corbin (my first) has already taught me that there can be no greater joy, I still entered this pregnancy with the same battle. I had just gotten back into dancing quite regularly, and in some ways, I felt I was in my prime. But I knew there was a time and a season for all things, and having children is a window of opportunity that I don't get back once it is closed. But as I had those thoughts running through my mind during plies, I realized that given the choice between dancing and holding my baby, I will always choose the baby.
Having children is a great blessing, and opposition in all things is the lesson we learn here in this life. I'm grateful for my knowledge of God's plan and for the Atonement of Jesus Christ which will set all things right. The more I've contemplated what I will write in this post, the greatest witness I have felt is that the Atonement of Jesus Christ sets all things right. I remember after I had Corbin, I was amazed by two things: 1. That my mom (and all other mothers) had gone through that really hard experience, and done it AGAIN and again and again, and 2. That if Christ experienced ALL things in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross, he had felt that pain. He always knows our pain, and therefore he can teach us how to handle it in a God-like manner. And thus, through our pains and sorrows, we find the opportunity to become more like Him.
So yes, I am doing okay. It's not that I feel like this baby wasn't a human yet. It's not that I don't feel a loss. I feel blessed to have the family I do have, and I feel blessed to see a bigger picture of our purpose here on earth. I'm calling this post, "Waiting for Our Baby" because I do feel that I will meet him or her at another time.
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas!
It only happens every so often in St. George (maybe once a year), but it was especially exciting for me this year because it was Corbin's first experience with SNOW! I took him out first thing this morning (after we got all bundled up of course). Here is the progression of his experience in film:
First, Christmas morning type excitement:
Next discovery: Gloves. But still a little tentative to try it again.
And finally, back to his usual explorational self.
First, Christmas morning type excitement:
Next, he fell on his hands and felt the cold for the first time...and decided snow wasn't so great:
And finally, back to his usual explorational self.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Two Social Media Shares For Which I'm Thankful
Today I am grateful for the powerful tool that social media can be when used appropriately. In an effort to "escape" after my son's bedtime two nights ago, I browsed Facebook and found a blog post my sister had shared about being fully invested in our children's lives. The blogger ended her post with a long list of the reasons she's grateful to be the mom of her kids. Her message to moms was to believe that kids truly do grow up too fast, and they are not a nuisance to be worked around. You can read her words here.
I have to say, I took her counsel to heart and just played with Corbin all morning the next day. You know what happened? Corbin went down for an early nap, which allowed me to still get my things done before I went to work. Normally I fight him and the things all morning and get him down just in time to leave for work, but still feeling like I haven't accomplished anything. I don't think it will always work out that well, but really, why don't I just enjoy him while I have him? There will be time to do laundry after he goes to bed, or when dad gets home, or
next week sometime. No big deal.
That reminds me of a talk I heard in church on Sunday about tithing. I felt like the woman had written it for me. She talked about the promise that the windows of heaven would be open to pour out blessings onto the tithe payer. Then she proceeded to share some of the blessings which she had received including special finds at thrift stores and on clearance racks or in hand-me-downs at just the right time, the ability to decipher between needs and wants, great kids who are okay with thrift stores and hand-me-downs, etc. I know I've received these kinds of blessings and yet, I've never thought of them that way. What does that have to do with cherishing our kids? I think the principle is the same. When I give the Lord my 10%, he makes sure I have my needs met. When I give my children my first hours, my best hours, somehow I have the time I need to get my other things done.
Then I got invited to view this story about Heather who is an 8 year survivor of mesothelioma cancer. I actually had never even heard of this cancer before, but it is caused by asbestos exposure, and it leaves VERY few survivors. You can watch the story by clicking on the link above. Her video is a beautiful invitation to count your own blessings.
Whenever a story like this is shared, I of course am reminded of how fragile life is and the importance of cherishing each day, but I have to say, what I most took from this video was what Heather shares at the beginning. She says that she and her daughter Lilly are best friends. I really do want to get to that place with each of my children, and I realize that it starts by appreciating having them in my life now.
I have to say, I took her counsel to heart and just played with Corbin all morning the next day. You know what happened? Corbin went down for an early nap, which allowed me to still get my things done before I went to work. Normally I fight him and the things all morning and get him down just in time to leave for work, but still feeling like I haven't accomplished anything. I don't think it will always work out that well, but really, why don't I just enjoy him while I have him? There will be time to do laundry after he goes to bed, or when dad gets home, or
next week sometime. No big deal.
That reminds me of a talk I heard in church on Sunday about tithing. I felt like the woman had written it for me. She talked about the promise that the windows of heaven would be open to pour out blessings onto the tithe payer. Then she proceeded to share some of the blessings which she had received including special finds at thrift stores and on clearance racks or in hand-me-downs at just the right time, the ability to decipher between needs and wants, great kids who are okay with thrift stores and hand-me-downs, etc. I know I've received these kinds of blessings and yet, I've never thought of them that way. What does that have to do with cherishing our kids? I think the principle is the same. When I give the Lord my 10%, he makes sure I have my needs met. When I give my children my first hours, my best hours, somehow I have the time I need to get my other things done.
Then I got invited to view this story about Heather who is an 8 year survivor of mesothelioma cancer. I actually had never even heard of this cancer before, but it is caused by asbestos exposure, and it leaves VERY few survivors. You can watch the story by clicking on the link above. Her video is a beautiful invitation to count your own blessings.
Whenever a story like this is shared, I of course am reminded of how fragile life is and the importance of cherishing each day, but I have to say, what I most took from this video was what Heather shares at the beginning. She says that she and her daughter Lilly are best friends. I really do want to get to that place with each of my children, and I realize that it starts by appreciating having them in my life now.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Top 10 Mom Fails
Don't worry...this is not a "Wo is me, I'm a terrible mom" post. It's just that this morning, as I made a last ditch attempt to entertain my toddler by opening up a toy that was supposed to be a Christmas present (today is November 20th and Thanksgiving is more than a week away still), I had to laugh at all the things I do as a mom that I "swore I'd never do."
So here it is. My top ten mom fails--within the first year of being a mom (not in any particular order):
10. Feed child candy. I can't say I swore to never do this, but I definitely have let him have it more often than I thought I would. The reason I'm noticing? I eat it. Dad eats it. So baby of course eats it.
9. Bribe child with candy and other sugary goodness. Justification: How else do you lure him into his carseat without a tantrum?
8. Cry it out. I hung in there for a while, but it suddenly seemed like my going in to comfort or continue my sleep training methods was just setting up a new pattern for habitual waking. He sleeps great now that he has CIO'ed for a couple nights.
7. Wiped his nose with my own finger and then cleaned it off on his pants or mine. I hope this doesn't make me or my child less "popular" among our friends, but really...your own kid's snot isn't gross, well, at least not AS gross as the other kids'.
6. Wiped his face with my licked finger. After wiping his nose with my hand one day, I knew it was only a matter of time before I cleaned his face with my licked finger. It was an act of desperation, I tell you. Family pictures. Dad was in charge of getting Corbin ready because we met on location after I got off work. Cute outfit. Messy face. No baby wipes in the diaper bag. Oh yes, licked finger to the face. He's young. He won't remember it.
5. Aside from candy, feed child junk food in general. The kid loves hot dogs, and although I knew it wasn't the most healthy of choices, I couldn't resist the easy preparation and quick clean up they provided. So yes, he ate lots of hot dogs over the summer. Seriously, they are the one food that he manages to not drop on the floor. Every last bit makes it to his mouth and swallowed.
4. Cloth diapering is not something I've failed at because I never even tried it. I thought I'd get it going once we were in our house and had our own washer and dryer (we shared with our landlords in our old apartment). Once we were in, I said I'd do it once the house felt more pulled together so I could get a routine going. Since I still feel like my house is not pulled together, and I still feel like I'm barely keeping afloat in our "routine" as it is, I now say, maybe with the next baby.
3. Cleaning up after meals. Or should I say NOT cleaning up meals. This started out great. I was so proud of myself. I ran the vacuum after every meal, and Corbin's high chair tray was always cleaned. There was never a sign that a baby had been eating in that chair. That all changed once he could walk. Once I discovered that while I'm cleaning his breakfast mess, he's unloading the pantry, spilling the macaroni and cheese box on the floor, pulling toilet paper off the shelves, and (and I say "and" because he can get ALL this done JUST in that amount of time) dropping his binky in the toilet, I decided that breakfast mess could wait till nap time. As it turns out, at nap time, sometimes I prefer to blog, nap myself, check Facebook, catch up on work, get ready to go to work, or just sit in peace and quiet for a few minutes, so yes, sometimes breakfast is still on the tray and the floor at lunch...or dinner...or yes, the next day at breakfast.
2. Putting clothes away and general housekeeping. After Corbin was born, we refinished a cute little changing table. I was so proud of my handiwork. I got these little green plastic bins from Dollar Tree and labeled each one with clothing items (shirts, pants, onesies, jammies, etc.) I put the clothes in their assigned buckets on the shelves of the changing table. My sister said it was a great idea because it would help me keep things put away since everything had an assigned spot. I thought I had this organization thing down. And it worked great, till the walking thing changed our world. You know where Corbin's clothes are now? If they make it to the buckets, they are quickly pulled out on to the floor. Hence, most are on top of the changing table in piles resembling folded laundry.
1. I will end with the inspiration for this entire post. Yes, we have had a cute little Fisher Price barn toy "hiding" in our closet for several weeks. I bought it just after Corbin's birthday and we decided he had enough toys so we'd save it for Christmas. We knew he didn't care about Christmas, but we did, so we sort of hid it in our room. He still finds it from time to time and plays with the button that lets you try out the noises while inside the box. This morning, I felt like he was bored with everything in the house, and to be honest, so was I. I couldn't get anything done because he wanted me to entertain him. So I pulled out the barn and we had a great time putting it together, discovering all the neat things it does, and, Merry Christmas to me, he played with it by himself for several minutes after I finished. It was short-lived, and I spent the whole time taking pictures of him playing with it...but it was still fun.
Now, to put it back in the box in the closet so we can surprise him with it again at Christmas.
So here it is. My top ten mom fails--within the first year of being a mom (not in any particular order):
10. Feed child candy. I can't say I swore to never do this, but I definitely have let him have it more often than I thought I would. The reason I'm noticing? I eat it. Dad eats it. So baby of course eats it.
9. Bribe child with candy and other sugary goodness. Justification: How else do you lure him into his carseat without a tantrum?
8. Cry it out. I hung in there for a while, but it suddenly seemed like my going in to comfort or continue my sleep training methods was just setting up a new pattern for habitual waking. He sleeps great now that he has CIO'ed for a couple nights.
7. Wiped his nose with my own finger and then cleaned it off on his pants or mine. I hope this doesn't make me or my child less "popular" among our friends, but really...your own kid's snot isn't gross, well, at least not AS gross as the other kids'.
6. Wiped his face with my licked finger. After wiping his nose with my hand one day, I knew it was only a matter of time before I cleaned his face with my licked finger. It was an act of desperation, I tell you. Family pictures. Dad was in charge of getting Corbin ready because we met on location after I got off work. Cute outfit. Messy face. No baby wipes in the diaper bag. Oh yes, licked finger to the face. He's young. He won't remember it.
5. Aside from candy, feed child junk food in general. The kid loves hot dogs, and although I knew it wasn't the most healthy of choices, I couldn't resist the easy preparation and quick clean up they provided. So yes, he ate lots of hot dogs over the summer. Seriously, they are the one food that he manages to not drop on the floor. Every last bit makes it to his mouth and swallowed.
4. Cloth diapering is not something I've failed at because I never even tried it. I thought I'd get it going once we were in our house and had our own washer and dryer (we shared with our landlords in our old apartment). Once we were in, I said I'd do it once the house felt more pulled together so I could get a routine going. Since I still feel like my house is not pulled together, and I still feel like I'm barely keeping afloat in our "routine" as it is, I now say, maybe with the next baby.
3. Cleaning up after meals. Or should I say NOT cleaning up meals. This started out great. I was so proud of myself. I ran the vacuum after every meal, and Corbin's high chair tray was always cleaned. There was never a sign that a baby had been eating in that chair. That all changed once he could walk. Once I discovered that while I'm cleaning his breakfast mess, he's unloading the pantry, spilling the macaroni and cheese box on the floor, pulling toilet paper off the shelves, and (and I say "and" because he can get ALL this done JUST in that amount of time) dropping his binky in the toilet, I decided that breakfast mess could wait till nap time. As it turns out, at nap time, sometimes I prefer to blog, nap myself, check Facebook, catch up on work, get ready to go to work, or just sit in peace and quiet for a few minutes, so yes, sometimes breakfast is still on the tray and the floor at lunch...or dinner...or yes, the next day at breakfast.
2. Putting clothes away and general housekeeping. After Corbin was born, we refinished a cute little changing table. I was so proud of my handiwork. I got these little green plastic bins from Dollar Tree and labeled each one with clothing items (shirts, pants, onesies, jammies, etc.) I put the clothes in their assigned buckets on the shelves of the changing table. My sister said it was a great idea because it would help me keep things put away since everything had an assigned spot. I thought I had this organization thing down. And it worked great, till the walking thing changed our world. You know where Corbin's clothes are now? If they make it to the buckets, they are quickly pulled out on to the floor. Hence, most are on top of the changing table in piles resembling folded laundry.
1. I will end with the inspiration for this entire post. Yes, we have had a cute little Fisher Price barn toy "hiding" in our closet for several weeks. I bought it just after Corbin's birthday and we decided he had enough toys so we'd save it for Christmas. We knew he didn't care about Christmas, but we did, so we sort of hid it in our room. He still finds it from time to time and plays with the button that lets you try out the noises while inside the box. This morning, I felt like he was bored with everything in the house, and to be honest, so was I. I couldn't get anything done because he wanted me to entertain him. So I pulled out the barn and we had a great time putting it together, discovering all the neat things it does, and, Merry Christmas to me, he played with it by himself for several minutes after I finished. It was short-lived, and I spent the whole time taking pictures of him playing with it...but it was still fun.
Now, to put it back in the box in the closet so we can surprise him with it again at Christmas.
Friday, November 15, 2013
Chatty Kathy
I've noticed that Corbin is talking more and more lately. It's still mostly baby babbles, which I love to hear. The one word that I for sure know he knows and will say pretty much on demand is "Weee" as in "weee" I'm on the swings, or "weee" dad is throwing me in the air. I wondered yesterday if he really has had a true first word. He says "dada" and "mama" occasionally but not really in a way that seems like he associates the word with either of us. So I'm thinking "wee" is his first word. Fitting...
In fact, we had family pictures taken yesterday and we could not get a smile out of him almost the whole time. The only smiles were when we were swinging him in the air holding his hands and when he was running around by himself. The photographer called him a thrill seeker, and that's what made me realize that yes, "wee" is his first word.
He LOVES the swings and will say "wee" the whole time he's on them. He definitely liked a lot of motion as a baby, and we always blamed that on the fact that I danced through my whole pregnancy with him. The kid is accustomed to movement and he loves to be on the move.
Anyway, speaking of chatting. Corbin started talking himself to sleep a few months ago (once we sleep trained him), but last night at midnight he woke up and started chatting quite a bit. I was online so I did a quick google search to see if it might be a sign of being under-tired. But I read most people saying that it's normal for babies to want to practice their new skills when they wake up in the night. I'll take it. It's quite fun to listen to chatter over listening to crying.
The problem came when it got quiet, and I THOUGHT he'd fallen back to sleep. I decided to sneak in and turn down the white noise playing in his room. It seemed loud and I wondered if it had woken him up. We just use the static on an empty radio station and so sometimes it randomly picks up some signals and you hear men talking like airplane pilots communicating with the tower. It's pretty funny, except when it's happening and I'm like, "Pilot! Don't you dare wake up my baby!"
Anyway, I snuck in and heard him move. I quickly froze, facing the door, hoping he couldn't see me or smell me or in any way sense I was in his room. Not possible. Although it was pitch black and I couldn't see him, he totally knew I was in there. Stands up and starts to cry so I'll come get him. Game over. So I nursed him and laid him back down and he chatted himself back to sleep. So silly.
And I vowed never to enter the quiet room again. :-)
In fact, we had family pictures taken yesterday and we could not get a smile out of him almost the whole time. The only smiles were when we were swinging him in the air holding his hands and when he was running around by himself. The photographer called him a thrill seeker, and that's what made me realize that yes, "wee" is his first word.
He LOVES the swings and will say "wee" the whole time he's on them. He definitely liked a lot of motion as a baby, and we always blamed that on the fact that I danced through my whole pregnancy with him. The kid is accustomed to movement and he loves to be on the move.
Anyway, speaking of chatting. Corbin started talking himself to sleep a few months ago (once we sleep trained him), but last night at midnight he woke up and started chatting quite a bit. I was online so I did a quick google search to see if it might be a sign of being under-tired. But I read most people saying that it's normal for babies to want to practice their new skills when they wake up in the night. I'll take it. It's quite fun to listen to chatter over listening to crying.
The problem came when it got quiet, and I THOUGHT he'd fallen back to sleep. I decided to sneak in and turn down the white noise playing in his room. It seemed loud and I wondered if it had woken him up. We just use the static on an empty radio station and so sometimes it randomly picks up some signals and you hear men talking like airplane pilots communicating with the tower. It's pretty funny, except when it's happening and I'm like, "Pilot! Don't you dare wake up my baby!"
Anyway, I snuck in and heard him move. I quickly froze, facing the door, hoping he couldn't see me or smell me or in any way sense I was in his room. Not possible. Although it was pitch black and I couldn't see him, he totally knew I was in there. Stands up and starts to cry so I'll come get him. Game over. So I nursed him and laid him back down and he chatted himself back to sleep. So silly.
And I vowed never to enter the quiet room again. :-)
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Random Thoughts about Facebook and Blogging
Started this as a Facebook post, then it got too long, which puts it in the blog post category, as you will see...
After writing two blog posts tonight, I started thinking about the strange things that blogging and social media are. While brushing my teeth, I created these definitions:
Facebook Status: A place for people to broadcast their opinions, unsolicited or not.
Blog: A place for people to expound upon their unsolicited opinions.
Facebook comments: A place for people to counter or agree with the expressed opinion (definitely solicited--after all, you posted it on Facebook).
Facebook Shares: A way of expressing your opinion by posting the link to a blogger who expressed it better than you can.
Two questions:
1. Are we more opinionated now than generations before us, or do we just have more means of expressing our opinions? How did people share their opinions pre-social media?
2. How much of sharing our opinions online actually affects the world around us?
I guess that is three questions. It's getting late. I'm taking my unsolicited opinions to bed now.
After writing two blog posts tonight, I started thinking about the strange things that blogging and social media are. While brushing my teeth, I created these definitions:
Facebook Status: A place for people to broadcast their opinions, unsolicited or not.
Blog: A place for people to expound upon their unsolicited opinions.
Facebook comments: A place for people to counter or agree with the expressed opinion (definitely solicited--after all, you posted it on Facebook).
Facebook Shares: A way of expressing your opinion by posting the link to a blogger who expressed it better than you can.
Two questions:
1. Are we more opinionated now than generations before us, or do we just have more means of expressing our opinions? How did people share their opinions pre-social media?
2. How much of sharing our opinions online actually affects the world around us?
I guess that is three questions. It's getting late. I'm taking my unsolicited opinions to bed now.
Post-Pregnancy Bods: Some Thoughts
Don't worry. This isn't a post complaining about my body, or the weird (and gross) things that happen after having a baby. I remember hearing some of that at a baby shower before I was married and thinking, I will never have children. I will say, it's not as bad as it sounded then. No, this is my thought about how our focus should not be on the body after pregnancy, at least not in the way we generally concern ourselves....so keep reading. :-)
I had a thought yesterday about the focus we place on post-pregnancy bodies. A woman was commenting on some of my dancer friends and how you'd never know that any of them had had kids. Normally, I wouldn't get all up in arms about a comment like that, but it caught me off-guard this time because she was saying it to kids. In all honesty, I think she realized it was a weird thing to say to a group of kids, because she kind of hesitated trying to transition from that comment to the actual point she was trying to make. Nonetheless, it evidenced the fact that as a culture, we focus a lot on a woman's post-pregnancy body. How long it takes for her to get back into her old jeans, pre and post pregnancy weights, etc. etc.
I thought about the message that was already being given to these kids. When a woman is pregnant, she is fat, and if she still looks fat after she has a baby, that is bad. But if she can look like she never had a baby, that is good. So I thought about what message these kids SHOULD be getting from watching moms who have had babies and then still gone back to dancing. This is the message I hope I can share with girls, whether they be my own daughters, or my students, or my nieces...
I wished that instead of celebrating how these women had "gotten their dancer bodies back", we could be celebrating the fact that their bodies are capable of creating life and then returning to full dance activity. That these moms have the support of husbands to allow them to experience both the joys of motherhood and still enjoy the passions that filled their lives before having a baby.
I really do feel blessed to have the opportunities I do to continue dancing and even helping to grow a small dance company here. I know I wouldn't be able to do it without Dustin's support (not to mention the sisters and sister-in-laws that babysit for me). I've tried to reduce my time outside the home so I'm only doing my most favorite things right now--so I can have more time to do my most favorite thing, which is spend time with my family. I never really pictured that becoming my most favorite thing, but babies really change your heart. (Husbands do it, too--but for babies, you are irreplaceable. If you aren't mom, no one else is being mom) And I know I'm a lucky girl to "have it all" even if some of it has to be in very small doses.
I had a thought yesterday about the focus we place on post-pregnancy bodies. A woman was commenting on some of my dancer friends and how you'd never know that any of them had had kids. Normally, I wouldn't get all up in arms about a comment like that, but it caught me off-guard this time because she was saying it to kids. In all honesty, I think she realized it was a weird thing to say to a group of kids, because she kind of hesitated trying to transition from that comment to the actual point she was trying to make. Nonetheless, it evidenced the fact that as a culture, we focus a lot on a woman's post-pregnancy body. How long it takes for her to get back into her old jeans, pre and post pregnancy weights, etc. etc.
I thought about the message that was already being given to these kids. When a woman is pregnant, she is fat, and if she still looks fat after she has a baby, that is bad. But if she can look like she never had a baby, that is good. So I thought about what message these kids SHOULD be getting from watching moms who have had babies and then still gone back to dancing. This is the message I hope I can share with girls, whether they be my own daughters, or my students, or my nieces...
I wished that instead of celebrating how these women had "gotten their dancer bodies back", we could be celebrating the fact that their bodies are capable of creating life and then returning to full dance activity. That these moms have the support of husbands to allow them to experience both the joys of motherhood and still enjoy the passions that filled their lives before having a baby.
I really do feel blessed to have the opportunities I do to continue dancing and even helping to grow a small dance company here. I know I wouldn't be able to do it without Dustin's support (not to mention the sisters and sister-in-laws that babysit for me). I've tried to reduce my time outside the home so I'm only doing my most favorite things right now--so I can have more time to do my most favorite thing, which is spend time with my family. I never really pictured that becoming my most favorite thing, but babies really change your heart. (Husbands do it, too--but for babies, you are irreplaceable. If you aren't mom, no one else is being mom) And I know I'm a lucky girl to "have it all" even if some of it has to be in very small doses.
Yo-ho, yo-ho! The Toddler Life for Me!
Well, we are in full swing with toddler-dom. Corbin now reaches most everything dangerous in our house. I've caught him with kitchen knives twice (Dad has been taught to put them in the sink or far back on the counter). We throw great tantrums getting into the carseat, before most naps, and fairly regularly now for bedtime. We prefer pushing the stroller rather than riding in it (so as to stop and fill the cargo area with all the rocks we find on the ground). And he can destroy the living room (and kitchen, bathroom, and my own bedroom) faster than mom can load the washer.
Ah yes, we are living the toddler life.
There are some fun things, however. I love watching him make new discoveries (the key word there is "watching" as opposed to walking in to the next room to discover the new discovery). Some new discoveries:
• Lifting the toilet seat
• Flushing the toilet (fortunately, we've only made it that far. Aside from a binky which got thrown away after its swim in the white ceramic pool, nothing has been flushed down--as far as I know).
• New words: He can sign "more" and "please" although he isn't always willing to do so. He understands the words "drink"and "eat" for sure, as well as "hug" and "kiss" and we are working on signing "thank you".
• Giving hugs and kisses. Definitely my favorite by far. The first day I realized he understood this, I think I asked for a million hugs.
• "So soft" is something I say when he lays his head on his pillow pet or a blanket or anything soft. So now if I say "so soft" he lays his head on me or whatever I am holding. It's really sweet.
• Rocks. This kid loves rocks. Our neighbors have all rocks (desert landscape) and they are so nice to Corbin. Good thing because I think he steals a handful of rocks each time we walk by. We rarely walk farther than the corner anymore because he could sit and play with their rocks forever.
• Candy. Much to my chagrin he has discovered candy. It seems like kids quickly connect the sound of rustling packaging with delicious sweet treats because Corbin somehow always knows when you are holding candy. And he makes his intense desires known!
Another new development for us has been making new friends. We are so excited to be getting to know neighbors and ward members...finally. It seems like it has taken a long time to get acclimated to our new area, and I was really missing my old ward. But yesterday we met a mom with a boy Corbin's age at a yard sale across from our house. She lives down the street and came over tonight to introduce her husband to us. They are really sweet and I'm glad they live so close.
We also went tonight to visit a couple from our ward who has a baby boy that will turn 1 this month. The wife is from the Philippines so it was fun for Dustin to talk mission areas with her and mission foods, etc. She is a convert to the LDS church and so we will get to teach her new member lessons. I am so excited to be working as a missionary again. I've missed feeling a part of the work (my own fault, right? Many are called but few choose to do the work...)
Corbin loves being with other kids, but tonight I realized that he needs LOTS of wind down time before bed, especially if he's been stimulated by playing with other kids. He had a pretty bad tantrum before bed tonight. I am going to do my best to be home from 4:00 on in the evenings so we can have quiet time before bed. He just seems to do better that way. Sleep is a real battle right now. He's waking up multiple times in the night again, which is really frustrating. But I am praying for patience and I feel like the Lord is blessing me with the help I need.
We also made another discovery today. I call it play-group church. I wish it existed every Sunday, but today was Stake Conference so they had the auxiliary rooms set up for overflow. We checked it out and sure enough, three other young families were in there, toys on the floor, kids wandering the space, Cheerios and books to be shared among all. It was so nice. I heard about half of what was said in the meeting, but it was more than I would have heard wandering the halls with Corbin.
The most interesting thing I noticed, though (interesting for me as Corbin's mom), is that when nap time approached and you could tell that all the kids were needing to go home for naps, where the other kids wanted to be held or cuddled, drink bottles, etc., Corbin seemed to get more and more wild. It was evidence to me of what I read about in my sleep training book. There are different types of personalities which she lists in there, and I had pegged Corbin for a "spirited" boy. People have told me that he seems mellow, so then I questioned it. But in this book, she says that spirited children need more wind-down time before sleeping, and that they are prone to tantrums when they get overtired or over-stimulated. The trick, she says, is to avoid the tantrum by getting them down for naps or bed at the first sign of tiredness. The difficulty for me in that is that I can't tell Corbin is getting tired until he is so wild, I realize he is overtired. He just gets more and more wound up until I'm going nuts, and think, oh wait, he needs to be sleeping. Enter total tantrum...
Oh well, they are only little for a short while in the eternal scheme. I will try to keep remembering that.
Ah yes, we are living the toddler life.
There are some fun things, however. I love watching him make new discoveries (the key word there is "watching" as opposed to walking in to the next room to discover the new discovery). Some new discoveries:
• Lifting the toilet seat
• Flushing the toilet (fortunately, we've only made it that far. Aside from a binky which got thrown away after its swim in the white ceramic pool, nothing has been flushed down--as far as I know).
• New words: He can sign "more" and "please" although he isn't always willing to do so. He understands the words "drink"and "eat" for sure, as well as "hug" and "kiss" and we are working on signing "thank you".
• Giving hugs and kisses. Definitely my favorite by far. The first day I realized he understood this, I think I asked for a million hugs.
• "So soft" is something I say when he lays his head on his pillow pet or a blanket or anything soft. So now if I say "so soft" he lays his head on me or whatever I am holding. It's really sweet.
• Rocks. This kid loves rocks. Our neighbors have all rocks (desert landscape) and they are so nice to Corbin. Good thing because I think he steals a handful of rocks each time we walk by. We rarely walk farther than the corner anymore because he could sit and play with their rocks forever.
• Candy. Much to my chagrin he has discovered candy. It seems like kids quickly connect the sound of rustling packaging with delicious sweet treats because Corbin somehow always knows when you are holding candy. And he makes his intense desires known!
Another new development for us has been making new friends. We are so excited to be getting to know neighbors and ward members...finally. It seems like it has taken a long time to get acclimated to our new area, and I was really missing my old ward. But yesterday we met a mom with a boy Corbin's age at a yard sale across from our house. She lives down the street and came over tonight to introduce her husband to us. They are really sweet and I'm glad they live so close.
We also went tonight to visit a couple from our ward who has a baby boy that will turn 1 this month. The wife is from the Philippines so it was fun for Dustin to talk mission areas with her and mission foods, etc. She is a convert to the LDS church and so we will get to teach her new member lessons. I am so excited to be working as a missionary again. I've missed feeling a part of the work (my own fault, right? Many are called but few choose to do the work...)
Corbin loves being with other kids, but tonight I realized that he needs LOTS of wind down time before bed, especially if he's been stimulated by playing with other kids. He had a pretty bad tantrum before bed tonight. I am going to do my best to be home from 4:00 on in the evenings so we can have quiet time before bed. He just seems to do better that way. Sleep is a real battle right now. He's waking up multiple times in the night again, which is really frustrating. But I am praying for patience and I feel like the Lord is blessing me with the help I need.
We also made another discovery today. I call it play-group church. I wish it existed every Sunday, but today was Stake Conference so they had the auxiliary rooms set up for overflow. We checked it out and sure enough, three other young families were in there, toys on the floor, kids wandering the space, Cheerios and books to be shared among all. It was so nice. I heard about half of what was said in the meeting, but it was more than I would have heard wandering the halls with Corbin.
The most interesting thing I noticed, though (interesting for me as Corbin's mom), is that when nap time approached and you could tell that all the kids were needing to go home for naps, where the other kids wanted to be held or cuddled, drink bottles, etc., Corbin seemed to get more and more wild. It was evidence to me of what I read about in my sleep training book. There are different types of personalities which she lists in there, and I had pegged Corbin for a "spirited" boy. People have told me that he seems mellow, so then I questioned it. But in this book, she says that spirited children need more wind-down time before sleeping, and that they are prone to tantrums when they get overtired or over-stimulated. The trick, she says, is to avoid the tantrum by getting them down for naps or bed at the first sign of tiredness. The difficulty for me in that is that I can't tell Corbin is getting tired until he is so wild, I realize he is overtired. He just gets more and more wound up until I'm going nuts, and think, oh wait, he needs to be sleeping. Enter total tantrum...
Oh well, they are only little for a short while in the eternal scheme. I will try to keep remembering that.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Walking Monster
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Temper Tantrums and Walking
So Corbin's first birthday is coming up in just a couple weeks, and I'm told it's normal at this age, but I can't handle the temper tantrums! For one thing, he's too big and strong for me to contain, so when you add his strong-willed personality and throwing his head back, I just have to put him down now.
So my question, how do you guide his head so it doesn't hit the floor, or at least doesn't hit hard, and still ignore the tantrum so it ends as quickly as possible? Is it feasible?
I hate to do a whole post on temper tantrums since it's not something I really want to remember about my sweet baby boy. But I figure it's also a sign that he is growing up and exerting his independence. It's so strange that he has his own ideas and can actually make choices about where he goes and what he does.
Speaking of choosing where to go, I just added "Walking" to the title since it's also a new development as Corbin approaches turning 1. Corbin now chooses HOW to get somewhere, which is REALLY strange. Although he still chooses crawling most the time (because it's faster), he is getting more and more stable on his feet. He LOVES walking while holding my hands because then he can run. He would do it all day if I was willing. But he's starting to take more steps on his own as well. This morning, I was in my bedroom and Corbin was in the hall, and I suddenly saw him toddle into my room on only two limbs. It was so crazy to see him! I get so proud of him when he tries.
Dustin and I laugh because he walks better when he is holding something in one or both hands. It's as if he trusts the objects to hold him up, like he's holding someone's hand(s). We call it his magic object which helps him walk.
Well, I'm done avoiding my chores. I'd love to hear some thoughts on tantrum control...
So my question, how do you guide his head so it doesn't hit the floor, or at least doesn't hit hard, and still ignore the tantrum so it ends as quickly as possible? Is it feasible?
I hate to do a whole post on temper tantrums since it's not something I really want to remember about my sweet baby boy. But I figure it's also a sign that he is growing up and exerting his independence. It's so strange that he has his own ideas and can actually make choices about where he goes and what he does.
Speaking of choosing where to go, I just added "Walking" to the title since it's also a new development as Corbin approaches turning 1. Corbin now chooses HOW to get somewhere, which is REALLY strange. Although he still chooses crawling most the time (because it's faster), he is getting more and more stable on his feet. He LOVES walking while holding my hands because then he can run. He would do it all day if I was willing. But he's starting to take more steps on his own as well. This morning, I was in my bedroom and Corbin was in the hall, and I suddenly saw him toddle into my room on only two limbs. It was so crazy to see him! I get so proud of him when he tries.
Dustin and I laugh because he walks better when he is holding something in one or both hands. It's as if he trusts the objects to hold him up, like he's holding someone's hand(s). We call it his magic object which helps him walk.
Well, I'm done avoiding my chores. I'd love to hear some thoughts on tantrum control...
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
The System
As I've started to really enjoy couponing, my system has evolved, but I'll give you the most simple way I started so you can go from there to find what works for you.
1. Buy a Sunday paper.
2. Clip coupons (There are methods where you don't clip them but you just save your inserts--I might start that at some point, but for now, I like to clip them so I know what I have.)
2b. I'll cover online coupons on another post so as not to bog you down. It's something I just added to my system.
3. Organize your coupons. (Another reason I avoided this--I thought you had to get all involved and buy a fancy binder, etc. All I did was put some paper in a regular 3-ring binder and stapled my coupons right to the papers. Each paper was for a different category.)
4. Look through the ads. You can get the paper ads or look them up online. I tend to do both. Some come in the mail to me and others are in the Sunday paper.
For St. George, I tend to do Smith's, Lin's, Walgreen's and Albertson's. Look at the ads one at a time and create shopping lists for each store as you go.
6. Pull the coupons you need for each store. I have an envelope for each store. As I look through the ads I write on my list anything that is on sale that I already need, or anything that is on sale that I have a coupon for that I can stock up on at a great price.
7. Put the list and the coupons in the envelope and go shop before the week ends.
FYI:
Smith's sales are Wed to Tues
Lin's are Mon to Mon (so on Mondays you get deals from both weeks)
Albertson's are Wed to Tues
Walgreen's are Mon to Sun
Walmart has ad match so you could potentially get all your shopping done there. I haven't tried it because it's easier for me to do 2-3 short trips a week with my baby, than to do one long trip that gets everything. Also, remember I coupon for my shopping fix so I "need" to go every once in a while so I don't go wander D.I. :-)
OTHER QUESTIONS YOU MIGHT HAVE
Expiration Dates
For better or for worse, I don't get bogged down in expiration dates. I'm sure there are some coupons that I miss out on but good deals are always coming around, I decided. The coupons that are for things that are most important to you will be at the forefront of your memory most likely so you'll be aware of their expiration dates. I just organize by category and call it good. Haven't missed anything too amazing yet. :-)
What's a Good Deal?
This has been something I've researched a little just out of curiosity, and not surprisingly, those extreme couponers have LOTS of information online. But rather than worry my pretty little head with so many numbers, I decided that trial and error is the best way to learn. I figure, if I'm getting even 25 cents off and item, I'm already paying less than I would have at that store so I just go for it. Then when I get home, I usually check walmart.com's price for several things to see if I got a good deal. It's not fool-proof, but I figure if I got it for cheaper than I would have at Walmart, I did pretty good.
The more you start to pay attention, the more aware you are of what's a good deal. There are also websites like Freebies2deals.com and XOXO Frugal Momma on Facebook which tell you when a price is good for stocking up. They also have links to online print-at-home coupons so you can get the exact deal they describe. I tend to check their posts now just to see what free things I can get each week.
Free Things
Set up an online account for your Smith's card and every Friday you can download that week's free item. Then you have a couple weeks to go pick it up. Smith's also has coupons that you can load right onto your Fresh Values card right from their site. The only bummer about those is that they override any paper coupon you might have used so you have to kinda remember which coupons you loaded.
For example, I could have gotten free toothpaste the other night using a 1.00 off coupon, but I forgot I had a 75 cents off coupon on my card. It took that first so I couldn't use the other. I still only paid 25 cents for toothpaste so no big deal, but it's an example....
Check Your Receipts
Extreme couponers organize better than me, I'm sure, but so far, my system has worked pretty well. One thing I've had to learn is to not be afraid of being the "crazy coupon lady." I check my receipts every time now--sometimes there are coupons that didn't get on there (like store coupons at Walgreen's that I forgot to point out to the clerk), or sales that didn't register (Smith's Buy 5 Save 5 deals and you accidentally only bought 4), or something that was listed in the ad that didn't ring up as listed. You have to pay attention and not be afraid to point things out. I've found that they are always really helpful at all the stores, and they can even go back in and fix your mistakes for you (like if you forget to give a coupon or don't buy enough of an item).
1. Buy a Sunday paper.
2. Clip coupons (There are methods where you don't clip them but you just save your inserts--I might start that at some point, but for now, I like to clip them so I know what I have.)
2b. I'll cover online coupons on another post so as not to bog you down. It's something I just added to my system.
3. Organize your coupons. (Another reason I avoided this--I thought you had to get all involved and buy a fancy binder, etc. All I did was put some paper in a regular 3-ring binder and stapled my coupons right to the papers. Each paper was for a different category.)
4. Look through the ads. You can get the paper ads or look them up online. I tend to do both. Some come in the mail to me and others are in the Sunday paper.
For St. George, I tend to do Smith's, Lin's, Walgreen's and Albertson's. Look at the ads one at a time and create shopping lists for each store as you go.
6. Pull the coupons you need for each store. I have an envelope for each store. As I look through the ads I write on my list anything that is on sale that I already need, or anything that is on sale that I have a coupon for that I can stock up on at a great price.
7. Put the list and the coupons in the envelope and go shop before the week ends.
FYI:
Smith's sales are Wed to Tues
Lin's are Mon to Mon (so on Mondays you get deals from both weeks)
Albertson's are Wed to Tues
Walgreen's are Mon to Sun
Walmart has ad match so you could potentially get all your shopping done there. I haven't tried it because it's easier for me to do 2-3 short trips a week with my baby, than to do one long trip that gets everything. Also, remember I coupon for my shopping fix so I "need" to go every once in a while so I don't go wander D.I. :-)
OTHER QUESTIONS YOU MIGHT HAVE
Expiration Dates
For better or for worse, I don't get bogged down in expiration dates. I'm sure there are some coupons that I miss out on but good deals are always coming around, I decided. The coupons that are for things that are most important to you will be at the forefront of your memory most likely so you'll be aware of their expiration dates. I just organize by category and call it good. Haven't missed anything too amazing yet. :-)
What's a Good Deal?
This has been something I've researched a little just out of curiosity, and not surprisingly, those extreme couponers have LOTS of information online. But rather than worry my pretty little head with so many numbers, I decided that trial and error is the best way to learn. I figure, if I'm getting even 25 cents off and item, I'm already paying less than I would have at that store so I just go for it. Then when I get home, I usually check walmart.com's price for several things to see if I got a good deal. It's not fool-proof, but I figure if I got it for cheaper than I would have at Walmart, I did pretty good.
The more you start to pay attention, the more aware you are of what's a good deal. There are also websites like Freebies2deals.com and XOXO Frugal Momma on Facebook which tell you when a price is good for stocking up. They also have links to online print-at-home coupons so you can get the exact deal they describe. I tend to check their posts now just to see what free things I can get each week.
Free Things
Set up an online account for your Smith's card and every Friday you can download that week's free item. Then you have a couple weeks to go pick it up. Smith's also has coupons that you can load right onto your Fresh Values card right from their site. The only bummer about those is that they override any paper coupon you might have used so you have to kinda remember which coupons you loaded.
For example, I could have gotten free toothpaste the other night using a 1.00 off coupon, but I forgot I had a 75 cents off coupon on my card. It took that first so I couldn't use the other. I still only paid 25 cents for toothpaste so no big deal, but it's an example....
Check Your Receipts
Extreme couponers organize better than me, I'm sure, but so far, my system has worked pretty well. One thing I've had to learn is to not be afraid of being the "crazy coupon lady." I check my receipts every time now--sometimes there are coupons that didn't get on there (like store coupons at Walgreen's that I forgot to point out to the clerk), or sales that didn't register (Smith's Buy 5 Save 5 deals and you accidentally only bought 4), or something that was listed in the ad that didn't ring up as listed. You have to pay attention and not be afraid to point things out. I've found that they are always really helpful at all the stores, and they can even go back in and fix your mistakes for you (like if you forget to give a coupon or don't buy enough of an item).
Thoughts from a less extreme (but enthusiastic) Couponer
Ok, so like I mentioned in my last post, we've put ourselves on a pretty strict budget and tried to start cooking at home more. Dustin encouraged me to try couponing and turns out, I love it. In fact, I'm probably getting border-line addicted, which might make the budget thing an issue again.
Some friends have asked my system so I said I'd post it here. I've drawn a few conclusions about couponing that I'll start out with. (I'll put the system itself in another post for those who aren't interested in or too busy for my phisophizing....)
THE HUNT
I enjoy couponing because I enjoy finding great deals. My mom taught me the art of thrift store and yard sale shopping ("treasure hunting" we sometimes call it) from a young age, and I've always enjoyed the search and the find. I didn't mind being in the store for hours to find a great deal, and I almost always found that thing (or things) I didn't know I needed. :-)
The thing is, at this point in my life, I don't need any more stuff. I don't need clothes, I don't need interesting retro furniture pieces that I'm going to re-make "one day," and I don't need more cookware or whatever else I tend to pick up at these stores and yard sales. And besides that, I don't have any room for any of it. But food? You always need food. It gets consumed regularly. So couponing has been killing two birds with one stone for our budget. I get my "treasure hunting high" from finding great deals at the grocery store and in the ads, so I save the money I would have spent at D.I. on things I don't need, and I also get the food we do need for less.
My point? If you are like me and like to shop, couponing might be a good outlet for you. Because for me, the shopping was about the hunt, not necessarily the catch. Ya, a new pair of jeans is fun, but the buyer's remorse is almost not worth it sometimes.
The opposite might be true as well. If you don't enjoy the shopping process, you might not be a couponer, or at least you might not enjoy it. But you can keep it pretty simple--I basically cut out a portion of Facebook time (which who doesn't need to do that anyway) to go through ads and clip coupons. I can also work on it while I watch a show at night with my hubby so it doesn't have to be your new hobby if you don't want it to be.
A COUPONER's FOCUS
Ok, one of the reasons I put off couponing before is because I felt like there weren't coupons for the things I buy. Well, that has changed in two ways.
1. I became a mom and so I do buy things now like Cheerios and boxed meals, which are things that OFTEN have coupons available.
2. I changed my focus to creating food storage. When something non-perishable is a great deal, you stock up. You have canned foods and boxed meals for a rainy day (like the end of the month when you've maxed your grocery budget and you are trying not to go back to the store till next paycheck)
Couponing has also made me more aware of the grocery ads. When you coupon, you want to use your coupon when the item is also on sale so you maximize your savings. By looking through the ads (something I rarely did before), I have started to notice when the things I DO buy (that I don't necessarily have coupons for), are on sale. I am able to get the best deals on produce, household items, milk, eggs, etc. just by going to the store that has them the cheapest that week. Most of my savings has actually come just from getting sale items, I think.
Along with changing my focus, couponing (and the things I can buy with coupons) have changed the way I cook. Where I never would have bought Hamburger Helper before, I couldn't resist buying it at 9 cents a box this week. I noticed that as a busy mom, it's nice to have something there in the pantry that is already a meal. I can add fresh vegetables and experiment with the sauce and such, but the seasoning/sauce packet that's already in the box gives me something to work with. I'm one who hates coming up with meal ideas and I tend to doubt my cooking abilities so for now, these boxed meals are actually helpful.
So now I admire my lovely stock of boxed and canned goods in my pantry rather than trying to stuff yet another dress into my closet (or chair into my living room--yes, that was happening), and I feel really good knowing that if money got tight, we would be alright for a while.
See the next post to see how I'm couponing. I'll keep it simple (in case you are like me--avoiding it because it's too much work to even read how to do it)
Some friends have asked my system so I said I'd post it here. I've drawn a few conclusions about couponing that I'll start out with. (I'll put the system itself in another post for those who aren't interested in or too busy for my phisophizing....)
THE HUNT
I enjoy couponing because I enjoy finding great deals. My mom taught me the art of thrift store and yard sale shopping ("treasure hunting" we sometimes call it) from a young age, and I've always enjoyed the search and the find. I didn't mind being in the store for hours to find a great deal, and I almost always found that thing (or things) I didn't know I needed. :-)
The thing is, at this point in my life, I don't need any more stuff. I don't need clothes, I don't need interesting retro furniture pieces that I'm going to re-make "one day," and I don't need more cookware or whatever else I tend to pick up at these stores and yard sales. And besides that, I don't have any room for any of it. But food? You always need food. It gets consumed regularly. So couponing has been killing two birds with one stone for our budget. I get my "treasure hunting high" from finding great deals at the grocery store and in the ads, so I save the money I would have spent at D.I. on things I don't need, and I also get the food we do need for less.
My point? If you are like me and like to shop, couponing might be a good outlet for you. Because for me, the shopping was about the hunt, not necessarily the catch. Ya, a new pair of jeans is fun, but the buyer's remorse is almost not worth it sometimes.
The opposite might be true as well. If you don't enjoy the shopping process, you might not be a couponer, or at least you might not enjoy it. But you can keep it pretty simple--I basically cut out a portion of Facebook time (which who doesn't need to do that anyway) to go through ads and clip coupons. I can also work on it while I watch a show at night with my hubby so it doesn't have to be your new hobby if you don't want it to be.
A COUPONER's FOCUS
Ok, one of the reasons I put off couponing before is because I felt like there weren't coupons for the things I buy. Well, that has changed in two ways.
1. I became a mom and so I do buy things now like Cheerios and boxed meals, which are things that OFTEN have coupons available.
2. I changed my focus to creating food storage. When something non-perishable is a great deal, you stock up. You have canned foods and boxed meals for a rainy day (like the end of the month when you've maxed your grocery budget and you are trying not to go back to the store till next paycheck)
Couponing has also made me more aware of the grocery ads. When you coupon, you want to use your coupon when the item is also on sale so you maximize your savings. By looking through the ads (something I rarely did before), I have started to notice when the things I DO buy (that I don't necessarily have coupons for), are on sale. I am able to get the best deals on produce, household items, milk, eggs, etc. just by going to the store that has them the cheapest that week. Most of my savings has actually come just from getting sale items, I think.
Along with changing my focus, couponing (and the things I can buy with coupons) have changed the way I cook. Where I never would have bought Hamburger Helper before, I couldn't resist buying it at 9 cents a box this week. I noticed that as a busy mom, it's nice to have something there in the pantry that is already a meal. I can add fresh vegetables and experiment with the sauce and such, but the seasoning/sauce packet that's already in the box gives me something to work with. I'm one who hates coming up with meal ideas and I tend to doubt my cooking abilities so for now, these boxed meals are actually helpful.
So now I admire my lovely stock of boxed and canned goods in my pantry rather than trying to stuff yet another dress into my closet (or chair into my living room--yes, that was happening), and I feel really good knowing that if money got tight, we would be alright for a while.
See the next post to see how I'm couponing. I'll keep it simple (in case you are like me--avoiding it because it's too much work to even read how to do it)
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